It has been a month since I have been online. I was feeling bad before I stoped writing but then just started getting worse and worse off until I could hardly get out of bed. I kept going to the ER and the doctor and they kept running tests but nothing came up until last Thursday Dr. Hay thought I might be having a bad reaction to the Methadone. He wanted me to go to another pain clinic and get withdrawn off the Methadone but I didn't want to wait that long, my new appointment isn't for another two weeks, so I stopped the methadone cold turkey after seeing the doctor. I have been in withdrawals since then and it is one of the most gruesome things I have ever gone through. Methadone withdrawal is tougher than Heroin withdrawal. Jami and Kirk have coached me though most of this. Jami told me that Benadryl would help with the withdrawal and I looked it up on the Internet and found a suggestion to use 100 mg. at a time and it made a world of difference. I also got some valium which helps. I think I am most of the way through it and I will never take another Methadone!!! I'm switching to Dr. Gold for now.
Jami has been having a lot of trouble with mood swings and depression and even a bit of psychotic behavior for the last few weeks until something is going to have to be done for her ASAP. Last night the phone rang and it was their number but no one was on the line when I picked up and then it happened again. No one answered when I called back so I got up and went over there around 1 a.m. Kirk came down to let me in and he was crying and just so lost as to what to do with Jami. I went upstairs where Jami was crying in the bathroom and I stayed for an hour or so until things were peaceful and nice there but I talked to Jami about getting some help and she is now very receptive even willing to be committed. I have been working on this for two weeks. It has been a very rough time for Jami. Lindsey called her last week and told her everything she thought about Jami and her drug use and how it affected her and it tore Jami up very badly. Jami still can't bring herself to tell me what all Lindsey said but I can imagine. I talked to Lindsey and she said that she had told her mom the things that she has been holding in and that she needed to say it but was sad that it had hurt her mother. Then last month Jami and Kirk decided to stop doing Meth because it made their fighting worse and Jami had the realization that she had quit Meth that easy after years of not being able to stop to save her marriage and children. That has hit her very, very hard. It is all sad and all very good for Jami as long as she doesn't give up and decides to fight for her life.
We named our puppy Chaos and Jess named hers Brandy and they are both hell on four feet. You can really tell that they have some pit bull in them, they are really rough little things. And little shit machines. I can't wait until we get them housebroke!!!
Jess got her Section 8 housing but hasn't made any plans to move yet. She is hoping that I get mine and we can both move somewhere better together so I can still help her with Jessalynn.
We got Jessalynn her front teeth a couple of weeks ago and she looks just amazing. She looks more like a Kiser now. I notice a lot that her eyes are like mine and Herbert's and I love that!!! She is also getting very difficult to handle lately, I think she needs a lot more stimulation than she is getting but school will be starting soon and that should end this.
Jeanette got promoted to supervisor at work. They are struggling right now and Jeanette is pretty depressed but they will be OK. Nett had a miscarriage last week that I think bummed her out a little, too, although they aren't really wanting another one right now.
I'm feeling more alive than I have in a long, long, time as I get the methadone out of my system. It is a nice surprise. I didn't realize how numb I had grown to everything. I notice how beautiful the summer is now and how good music sounds. I'm hoping that I find that some of the memory problems I have been having are from the methadone, too, although it could very well be just getting older.
We celebrated our fifth anniversary July 28th. We took Jessalynn with us and went to Red Lobster to eat and then went to the movies and saw the Simpson's movie.
Jeremy and I have been getting along better than we had been for a long, long time since he started working. Besides relieving some of the financial stress, it has had an incredible effect on Jeremy to be working and providing for us. He really likes his job and his self confidence has grown by leaps and bounds. Also we are no longer together 24 hours a day and get to miss each other now and it has been like a honey moon. Well, until this morning. I am ticked off right now because Jeremy copped an attitude because Jami and I seemed to be in such a good mood this morning he decided we must have been partying all night instead of what I'd told him happened. He was a real sour puss on the way home and then when I found out why and got upset he of course didn't apologize but denied that he had copped an attitude even though Jami, Kirk and I had all noticed.
I don't have to drive Jeanette today but I do have to take Jeremy to the doctor. He had some blood in his urine a couple of days ago so I'm taking him to get checked. I should be getting some sleep since I didn't sleep last night but I'm still too pissed to go in the bedroom.
And that is the update here.
