Last Day of the Week!!!

Almost the last day of the month. Not that either of those things mean much...
Put away all of the laundry. It took longer than washing it. But the babies weren't at the laundromat and they weren't much help. It is very difficult to get things done with just one baby. Two should make it easier because they play together but they both want my undivided attention most of the time.
I was supposed to take Jessalynn to see her mother today but it was noon before I got in touch with Jess. I am supposed to pick Jess up after Jeremy gets off and take her and Jessalynn to her house if things go as planned. I haven't heard from Jess since noon so I'm not too sure. Calling her now. No answer. Jessalynn is staying up to see her mom and I'm afraid she is going to be disappointed again.
Jami sent me a text saying they wouldn't make the visit because they are sick. Cheri wasn't too happy about it! I know Jami is sick but I'm not sure about Kirk. I haven't talked to them all day.
I tried to look up KVC on the Internet and couldn't get to their site because it said something about it not being a safe site. It appears they are new in Nebraska but have been very successful elsewhere, mostly Kansas. I really wanted to see their mission statement. Something just feels wrong with the way this whole thing is going. Jami and Kirk get very little help with their addiction, I think Jami was approved to go through the BAART clinic for help but not Kirk, and it just won't work unless they help both of them at the same time and even that is iffy. There seem to be no pressure on them to find jobs or a home. They were pushy about them getting their evaluations done but then nothing. And I don't seem to get much help with Kira's care at all. I get $10.00 a day pay to take care of her, maybe that is low because I am also her grandmother, and that doesn't do much. She is a ward of the state and I am her foster mother and I know foster parents are supposed to get a clothing allowance and other things that aren't available to me. I asked if they could help with a car seat and clothes and they said that I was supposed to buy that out of the $10.00 a day. It wouldn't matter except I am living on disability and have nothing to spare most of the time. I don't even turn on the central heat in the winter when it is just Jeremy and me and I have had it on since I got Kira 24/7 and that is going to catch up with me. I have been trying to contact my DHS worker since December 16th and she has returned NONE of my calls. I applied online for food stamps almost two weeks ago and when I called to check on it yesterday my worker didn't answer, of course, so I called the main number and the woman who answered said she could do nothing for me. I told her I knew she could at least look up my application and she grudgingly did so and told me that it hadn't been received. I asked if they had problems with online applications and she said no, people file like that all the time, but just mine didn't go through. (Neither did the one I filed for Michelle last month!) Cheri got Vickie's supervisor's name for me and I tried to call her but got her voice mail, left a message, and have heard nothing. Jeremy got his income tax return and it is getting eaten up with groceries and diapers and bills. I haven't even told him how much I have spent of it but I think he has an idea.
We have a Family Meeting with KVC and DHS once a month and the meetings are a joke. We ask for help with things and they discuss which department is responsible for what we are asking about and promises are make and then nothing. We are all supposed to be positive and praise Jami and Kirk for their progress even though there has been very little and everything negative is just skimmed over if it is discussed at all. I don't think Jami and Kirk take any of this very seriously and why should they? Nothing is addressed like it is a serious thing if it is addressed at all. When this first started I tried to talk to Ashley about Jami and Kirk's addiction and how I was afraid they would still be addicted when they get Kira back and she said that it was possible they would and when I questioned the wisdom of that she snapped at me that I had to remember that they weren't charged with a drug offense, just Child Endangerment (from using drugs!!!). (Not tht they hurt her because they were high. It was an accident. But I do think being strung out they miss evaluated the seriousness of her injury and that they were hesitant to take her to a doctor because of how and where they were living.)
I see two possible outcomes. One, they eventually give Kira back to her parents just as they are and Kira lives the life of a junkie's kid. Two, they dick around and act like there is nothing pressing that Jami and Kirk need to do to get Kira back and then out of the blue tell them they did a bad job and terminate their parental rights even though they would have done anything required if they had been given the chance and made to understand they might lose Kira if they if they didn't get clean and on their feet fast enough. I really doubt scenario #2. It just doesn't seem that anyone at KVC or DHS or the judge involved care enough to do anything.
Glad I got that off my chest.

18 Loads of Laundry!!!!!

Whew. Think I'm gonna die. It it ever piles up like that again I am throwing it away!!! It took me four hours of busting ass at the laundromat. And I still have three loads of bedding I need to do!!!
I went to Jessalynn's parent teacher conferences yesterday and found out she has been having trouble with both reading and math and is being recommended for summer school. I felt so guilty realizing I haven't worked with her since I got Kira. But Jess and I thought she was doing fine but then again we missed the last conferences. I vow to work with her more.
Just put whiny babies down for a late nap. They might be up late tonight but they really needed a nap. Jeremy said they only took a short one while I was doing laundry.
I am in pain!!! I will pay for doing so much laundry for a few days. I am going to make an appointment to see Dr. Youngblood again and see if he will do more for me for the pain. I don't know why Dr. Gold does me the way he does. The other day I was walking into Walmart and thought "I'm just going to give up and stop walking." I haven't had a thought like that for a long time and I meant it at that moment. My legs burn so badly when I walk, especially going up stairs, I just want to cry sometimes. Dr. Gold gives me just enough pain meds to not want to die most of the time and he wants me to go for some more injection in my back and I just can't make myself do it especially since there is no guarantee that it will help. It hurt terribly last time getting the injection and then was very painful for a couple of days and I didn't notice any benefit. When I told Dr. Gold that I just couldn't stand the thought of someone standing behind me hurting me he said to ask the doctor to put a clamp on my ear to calm me. ????? This is starting to sound like my ex-brother craziness.
Jessalynn is missing her mom very, very, much. Meez is going to have to do without Jess real soon. Jaz doesn't miss her so much, she is pretty happy to be with us, but Jessalynn is older and wants her mom!!!
It is finally getting a little warmer here. I can't wait for a spring day!!! Then I will start bitching about the heat...
Uncle Paul emails me pretty often. It is very nice to have him for family. I missed the rest of them a lot at first after Mike told his lies but now I see it as their loss and am very happy with the family I do have. Uncle Paul is like a link to my father that I still need and I do love him very much. He was the first person to treat me like an adult when I was growing up and I'll never forget the time he drove me from Texas to Kansas. I loved every minute of that trip. Driving the Blazer makes me think of him, too, and the car he drove me to kindergarten in. Plus he gives pretty good advice and there aren't many people who do that for me. Or who I let do that for me...
I bought a shiatsu massager the other day. Think I will go let it work on my back.
See ya.

Doctor Day

Saw Dr. Gold and Dr. Rogers today. Gold for the usual check up, Rogers for the UTI I have been fighting forever. Rogers put me on cipro hoping it isn't what caused the seizure I had last time I was on it. I'm allergic to so many antibiotics it is hard to treat anything. macrobid didn't work.
The visit was very nice today although it seemed to go fast. I did ask about KVC getting Jami and Kirk monthly bus pases and hopefully they will. Kirk is looking for work now and things are sounding a lot better. I hope they can get it together for Kira. They love her so much. I just want them to know that she can't live the life they have been living and give her a lot more. For them, too. I don't think they even know what it is to be happy any more or even what life can be without drugs being part of the equation. I know how hard it will be for them to completely give up all drugs but I am praying it is not impossible. I hope lifestyle will be discussed in a lot of detail and that it is impressed on them that a life that involves any kind of drugs isn't good for kids. Meez is scheduled for another surgery Friday. I'm not sure how it is all going to work out. I know Meez will need Jess's help for quite a while but I don't know how long Jess can take being away from her girls. Maybe Jaz could join her at Meez's but it is too far from here to get Jessalynn to and from school from his house.
Jeremy hasn't had a day off for about two weeks but he is off tomorrow. He definitely meeds a break!

Valentines Day

Jeremy couldn't wait until Valentine's Day. After I asked him to name the gifts he had bought me over the years he finally got it and surprised me with a ring for Valentine's Day. :). It is very pretty but I might have to get it sized. I got him some Homer Simpson pajama pants.
Jami and Kirk missed the last three of their four visits last week. That looks very bad for them but there isn't anything I can do about it. We have a family meeting scheduled for tomorrow and it will likely be discussed then.
Meez is out of the hospital and Jess is at his house taking care of him. I took her there last night after stopping at Outback to pick up their Valentines Day dinner.
I have Jessalynn and Jaz. They are never a problem, Jessalynn is good company and helps out a lot when she is here and Jaz is a good playmate for Kira. Jeremy is totally smitten with Jaz and has spoiled her rotten.
Kira is doing very well. She is such a sweet little thing, loves being cuddled and tickled. It is fun watching the different personalities of these babies develop, they just grow up too darn fast.

The blazer is on the road again but I don't know for how long. Kirk put a new starter in it yesterday so it starts but it stil runs rough after a little while. Jeremy was really mad at me again for making him late to work . I have to get this together. Maybe it is just hard right now after being without a car for a while and trying to get everything done and Meez being in the hospital and trying to get Jess up there and back, etc. Jami and Kirk missed their visit today. Cheri is getting upset because she loses money when they miss and it really looks bad for them to miss so much.
I read a news article a couple of days ago about clinics in Vancouver giving heroin to addicts instead of methadone. It is more effective than methadone and has been very successful there and in other countries. I think it might be a good idea for hard core junkies. I watch Jami and Kirk spin their lives away spending every day figuring out how to get their next hit. The article said that the people going to the clinics are able to resume a more normal life without the daily hunt.

Murder??

I doubt anyone would believe it if it were true, and I'm sure it couldn't be proven without a witness stepping forward, but I have the feeling that the guy who ran over Vern and Meez did it on purpose. It started with a feeling I got when I saw the picture they showed of the driver, Scott Ruffcorn, but then Meez told Jess that it seemed like the car veered to hit them intentionally. The guy looks like a skinhead and has a bad reputation. Jami says that he went to school with her in Logan and she agrees with what I think about this.
Meez got through surgery yesterday and is in even more pain now but that should get better. Jess went up to the hospital to be there for Meez's surgery and ended up stranded there until midnight because the Blazer still needes a starter, something I hope to get fixed today.

Meez in Critical Condition

Meez and a friend were changing a tire on his car on the Storz Expressway at three this morning and were hit by a hit and run driver. The friend who was helping Meez was killed and Meez is in Creighton Hospital in critical condition with a broken ankle, leg, and arm, maybe more, Jess, who took a cab to Creighton when his mom called her, kept cutting out while I was talking to her. The lat time Jess called she said that the driver who hit Meez and his friend had been caught. I would have gone up there, too, but I'm alone with both babies and Trace. And the Blazer is broken down up at Popeyes, I'm hoping Patrick can help us figure out what is wrong with it.

Grandkids for the Weekend

I didn't get the kids to school today because of the snow and having rear wheel drive in the Blazer. (Four wheel drive isn't working.) I picked up Jess and her girls and dropped the girls off with Jeremy and took Jess to her shrink appointment around noon. Then Nett and Rob dropped off all three of their kids around four-thirty. Right after they left I noticed Riley had a fever. I gave him some Tylenol and held him until his temp went down. Then Jenise said her eyes were burning and I took her temp and gave her some Ibuprophen. They felt better and both started playing but Riley wanted to be held a lot still which didn't go over well with Kira and Jaz! Nett came back for Riley but I asked to keep Nici because she would have been heartbroken to have to go home.
I'm up now because my back hurts now. I took Morphine a while ago and still can't go back to sleep so I just took some Hydrocodone, too. Jenise was up crying about an hour ago so I gave her some more Ibuprophen.

A New Pain in the Ass

Bought it last night. It is a '92 Chevy Blazer, one of the few years that made 8 cyl. engines, wish I'd of known that!!! and it has a yet undiagnosed overheating problem.
I found the car on Craig's List. It was the second car I bought this week. The first one was an '88 Mercury Cougar. It was rusted all over and the tranny was going out and it had a bad exhaust leak. When I picked Jessalynn up for school she asked whose car it was, and , when I told her I bought it, she said, "You paid money for this?!" Then halfway to school she asked me if I had seen it before I paid for it. I laughed all of the way home and a little bit every day since then. I put that car back on Craig's List when I got home and it was gone for what I paid for it in two hours.
Then I found the Blazer.
Jeremy and Phillip replaced the thermostat, Jeremy broke a couple of things while doing it, and that wasn't the problem... Maybe it's the water pump.... and now there are no dash lights...
Kira walking and talking. Her parents are having a lot of trouble doing the things they need to do to get her back. I hope they get it together in time.
That's all for now!!!!!