Jessica's Birthday

We didn't have a big party or anything because Jessica nor I were feeling well today but I gave her her presents, except the bowling ball from Jami, early and we just did he sing Happy Birthday and blow out the candles thing with just Jeremy, Jessalynn, and me.
I feel badly that I canceled on going to Rob's show tonight so Jeanette had to go alone and will be driving home alone any time now but my tooth is so painful now I don't think I could have stood the vibration of the music.
I am going to the dentist tomorrow morning at nine thirty and hopefully this tooth nightmare will end.
We took Jami and Kirk to pick up his daughter but when we got there she told us she couldn't come which crushed Kirk. Even worse for Kirk, he got laid off yesterday from First Star Fiber. I cursed the place for firing Jeremy but I didn't mean to drive them out of business!! I certainly didn't want to hurt Kirk. I guess I am the bad witch Mikelites accuse me of.
We gave Kenny a ride to work at ten tonight and I will be picking him up and taking him home at seven in the morning.
I had to cancel lunch with Laurie today, too, because of the toothache.
It was another beautiful day today but is supposed to freeze tonight. It was already feeling pretty cold when I was last out. Then the next couple of days are supposed to be nice again. :-)
Lindsey called today and we had a fun time on the phone talking about her pet toad. She also told me that Mikey finally has a girlfriend. I was starting to think that boy was never getting back on the horse.....
And that is all for tonight!!!!!

Lost Post????

My last posting isn't here and I have no clue what I did wrong....
Yesterday was a bit brutal with dental problems. I called emergency dental and they never called back before closing so I went to the Creighton ER and they gave me some shots in the mouth and some percoset to last until I can find a dentist this morning. I was in terrible pain ~ didn't hardly feel the shots. And they didn't stop the pain but made it bearable that I could come home and sleep.
Yesterday we went to the Country Store where Jeremy works and bought a bunch of salon products for about a quarter each. That was fun!
I stopped at Jami's after taking Jeremy towork and dropped off some stuff for Kirk's hair and picked up one of Jeremy's movies. Jeremy drives me and everyone nuts with the way he is about his things. If we loan out a movie he will start asking for it back the next day and develop an urgent need to see the movie even if he hasn't watched it for months. One of those little irritating things he does that drive me bonkers and put me in an instant foul mood. He got er on the forklift day before yesterday so that will open up the job market for him considerably.
Jess is having trouble finding a job and getting discouraged but I have faith in her.
It has overall been a good week with no dark spells mentally.

No Longer an Orphan

This outcast finally has family. I found my Uncle Paul's phone number by finding cities for his mane on the Internet and then calling information for those cities and he sent me an email last night. :-) I cried while I waited for a response, terrified that he, too, had disowned me because of my bastard brother and his lies but I still have Uncle Paul and his wife Bonnie and a cousin, their daughter, Yvonne.
I feel like I am someone from somewhere again. The rest of them don't matter at all now!!!!!

Not exactly "daily" is this?

I should change the title of this blog....
I've been fairly upbeat. I have to say it must have something to do with the increase in psych meds I am on but whatever works right now. I can get though the sorrows without falling apart and that is OK with me.
I've had a bit of a scare going. I have two red dots, one on my thigh and one on my stomach, that I was very afraid was MRSA but I am less afraid as they haven't progressed into boils or even pimples but I am still nervous since I don't know what they are and I am around so many who have it. I am careful as I can be but I don't think I know anyone with it who is as careful as I would like them to be. I am treating my spots as though they are MRSA jsut in case and being very careful about myself, too.
Jami's face is clearing up but she will be lucky if it isn't scarred from her last run on Meth and she is doing some tonight, too. Not much, they are struggling to even get their rent paid, but any is too much for her.
Jess almost got caught in what I am sure was a modeling scam today but fortunately her bank card was no good that she tried to use to pay the crooks. I told her to look them up on the BBB and she did and it wasn't pretty at all.
I have been emailing with Rizzo's mom and it seems that she is like me in that she needs someone who understands where moms live with a junkie for a child. It's a form of Hell only another in the same position could know. She writes of living a fake life, a facade for others, that I know all too well. We have become friends and I hope to meet her someday.
Patrick found out his child support is going to be almost $350 and includes getting medical insurance for Jessalynn. I tried to warn him back when he was giving Jess fifty every other week and thinking he was paying her a lot. If he had been fair to begin with and given her two hundred a month I doubt she would have filed.
We ourselves are almost four months behind on rent and the landlord hasn't called because I have been this late before and paid it but I am really worried this time. Jeremy will get his first check Friday and it won't be a full week and he is only making $8.50 an hour. Jessica isn't working at all and her boyfriend has so much he is trying do do he can't help us at all. I'm thinking we might have to move into where Jami is and put everything in storage for a while but no one but me seems to know it is that serious. Jessica got approved for her government housing and will pick up her voucher Wednesday but I haven't heard back on mine yet. It took her three months and it has maybe been a month since I applied. I hope the landlord will give us the standard thirty day eviction. I don't know if the law changes if you are this far behind. I won't stiff them on it. I will pay them off however I can even if it takes a little while. Once I am in government housing or living where Jami does it should be fairly easy to pay them back in a reasonable amount of time. I doubt they will expect to ever see the money once we're gone but they will. They've put up with this too much to not pay them even if it is really a crappy, leaky, house in the ghetto.
I am disgusted with being overweight but don't seem to do too much about it except whine. I need to start working out no matter how it hurts. Walking. Lots of walking. Jessalynn said my belly looked pregnant yesterday, something I've wondered if others thought but didn't ask. I GOTTA lose weight. I've never been this big like this. I gained about this much pregnant and once in 1989 but it wasn't so much in the stomach unless I was pregnant. I can't handle this!!!

A Wednesday Morning

Jeremy's new job is more mixing obnoxious chemicals than driving a forklift and he pretty much seems to hate it but he will keep looking for another job while he works there. 8pm to 7 is pretty tough on him, too, and I'm not too thrilled with the hours either.
Jessalynn has been having problems. She started wetting the bed again when school started and then refused to go to school yesterday morning although she did go in late. I talked to the school counselor yesterday and he said he would work with her and she went to school pretty willingly today so maybe things will get better.
I'm sure Jami is strung out again. She's been looking worse and worse and not working at all. She asked me if I still had some of the withdrawal medicine, Subutex, so I KNOW she is having withdrawals again. I've tried to see her everyday since Lindsey asked me to but I missed yesterday. I'll stop by there this afternoon and see what is up now.
Last night I locked the keys in the van again but managed to get the side door open.
It is getting cold here. I feel winter coming and am not at all happy about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still on the Upbeat

Jeremy has an interview for a forklift job this morning that we are really really hoping he gets. He has been working at the Qwest Center through First Source Staffing off and on the last couple of weeks. Jami and Kirk worked with him one night and then Jami worked there with Jeremy one day and is there working with some of her friends today. Qwest only pays seven dollars an hour but it is better than nothing!!
Jeremy and I got into a slam dunk doozie of a fight a couple of nights ago but things have settled down quite a bit now. The worst of it was that I tried to leave in the van and Jeremy went nuts trying to stop me and I punched him in the face five times. I went to see my therapist yesterday and we talked about it and he is helping me work on not beating the crap out of people. His theory is that I take crap and take crap until I just explode eventually but that really isn't all of it at all. Maybe this time but a lot of the time it just explodes out of the blue when someone, anyone, hits the wrong button with me. But I have a lot of therapy still to go through so I guess we'll get to that...
I'm proud of how Jami is doing although I know she is still getting high and doing some heroin. I just hope she stops or at least keeps it under control. Her father uses but has managed to hold a job for over a year now and takes care of his woman and has a home so there is evidently some kind of balance a junkie can live at. It is impressive that Jami is working. I'm also proud of how Kirk is doing, holding his job, even if by a thread at times, and paying their bills, even if usually late. It does worry me that they have post dated checks out but, again, I hope that will end soon.
Meezie is home and rebuilding his life and Jessica is happy except for all the cooking she has to do for him. She says he eats about ten meals a day and still isn't comfortable enough to come upstairs and cook for himself. Jessica is in the midst of suing Romeo's and looking for another job. She has a contingency lawyer who thinks she has pretty good case against Romeo's for sexual harassment, sexual discrimination, hostile work environment, and persecution for her lifestyle. They are total assholes at Romeos and someone needs to bring them down.
We are pretty broke, three months behind on rent, and driving an unregistered van I just got three tickets for yesterday, but overall I still fell pretty good about everything. My children are good people, my grandchildren are wonderful, Jeremy and I aren't living in a tepee again yet ~ life could be much worse!!!!