Keeping the kids another day

It's just fun having them all here and no one is asking to go home. It's not as nice of a day today, cloudy and spitting a bit, but I let them out in coats to run off some steam. Also, I developed a migraine after I decided to keep them so I need a bit here to get rid of it.
I'm going to repay Cheri for the sushi by making her some of my famous tempura next week on one of the visits. I haven't made it for a loooong time, not the best food for me with the cholesterol problem, but this is a good excuse.
I don't feel bad about doubting John's motives since telling Beaver and hearing how much he thinks it stinks.
Jami came for her visit today, back to her methadone self, which is much better that her meth self. She's a bit sheepish about her behavior Saturday and is back to swearing it is the last time so hopefully we won't see that for a while.
All.

tuesday still have the kids

It is a beautiful day here. Jessalynn, Jenise, and Robby are out front drawing on the sidewalks with sidewalk chalk, the babies are playing together, and I am baking cookies that smell great.
Cheri texted me that she had a surprise for me and she got here at 2 with sushi, salad with carrot dressing, and fried ice cream!!! The best surprise I have had in a long time and delicious, too. Jami didn't call or show today so Cheri left after her required 15 minute wait.
A couple of people have called looking for Jami today. Jim called and talked to her briefly at Sandy's and I guess it wasn't very pleasant so I think he hung up on her but I know where she is.
I got an email from John Perton today pretty much saying none of us would get any news or pictures of Lindsey ever again unless she makes contact after she is 18. I understand him wanting to keep her away from Jami but I wonder about him cutting her off from so much family that love her and that she loves. This included Mikey and his girls, too, so Lindsey has three sisters she will not even know when she is 18. I wish I could think that John is doing this totally for what he believes is Lindsey's own good but I can't stop thinking that it is his own prejudices and dislike of me and maybe others here making him do this. I know I always kept my kids as close to family as I could thinking that if anything ever happened to everyone they knew around them that they would know they had people who loved them in other places that they could turn to.
Then on the flip side I often think Mikey might be making a mistake keeping Jami so in the minds of Joey and Michelle. They love their mommy so much through him, even Michelle who doesn't even know her, has never lived with her, but they talk of missing their mother all of the time not knowing the world Jami lives in that has no room for them. I have to explain drug addiction to Jessalynn when Jami does things like make promises that she forgets or acts differently because she is high and Joey is the same age so I'm sure he has questions about it, too.
Jess is pulling up. Gotta go.

Here we go again

Jami showed up for her visit yesterday flying on Meth. I was worried because I hadn't heard from her since Kirk went to jail so I called Sandy and she hadn't seen her either. I made a few calls and when I called her friend Jeremy he said she had called him around midnight Friday saying she would meet him at some party later, that she wasn't in Council Bluffs. Mike Watson brought her for her visit and that is where she has been staying since Thursday. When she got here I could tell right away she was on Meth and she asked to talk to me. She said that Jim had told her that me getting Kira was something he and I planned. I asked how we could plan for Kira to get burned and she said, Look, I'm trying not to get mad at you looking at me with crazy pinpoint pupil eyes. I told her that I had asked Jim and Teresa if they thought that she and Kirk were able to take care of Kira a long time ago and they said No and that they were right, they weren't taking proper care of her since she was born. Cheri got her shortly later and asked if Jami had gone to the methadone clinic that morning and she said yes and Cheri commented that she seemed much more alert than usual for being on Methadone so Cheri knew, too. then Jami took me aside again and said that she had been staying with Mike because people were calling about drugs and that Kirk had secretly been dealing drugs "behind her back" like he could do anything behind her back. She is in "trash Kirk" mode since he is out of the picture for now. Actually, she is very scary in general now. I was in the kitchen and looked out the patio door and saw she had Kira out there with just a blanket draped around her legs and it was in the thirties. Jessalynn opened the door and told her to bring Kira in for me and Jami came in saying she didn't think Kira was cold out there. Then she insisted on changing Kira into pants and a shirt saying she was dressed too warm in the house even though I explained that it is cold on the floors in the apartment. Kira took off the clothes like she does unless it is jammies with feet or a onesie she is wearing so Jami put her PJ's back on. It was all just crazy and she has no clue how crazy she appears to everyone else like she didn't seem to know how messed up she has been acting on all the Methadone she is getting. I don't know what is going to happen. She talked about getting Kira in a week through family services but I know that won't be happening, thank God. Cheri thinks that Jami is happier being a part time mother like things are now, that she doesn't have it in her to be a full time mom and Jami seems to be clueless about what any of them really think. She also makes comments about how she thinks I would have a hard time giving Kira up. I tell her I would be glad to give her to them if I knew they would be able to take care of her. She seems to be getting back into the thinking I thought she had outgrown like she was when I had Lindsey. And it is all sooo crazy like I thought I would like to raise more kids after mine grew up!! Of course I will, any of my grandchildren will always have a home with me if they need one, but it is the hope that their parents will raise them and I will just be grandma. Jami thinks that Jess is in the same or worse shape as her as a parent and that seems to make her feel better and I don't correct her but that is soo far off base. Jess is a good mother even though I help her a lot. She buys food for the kids with her food stamps instead of selling them and makes sure they have a nice home to live in. Yea, she uses section 8 but she keeps up with all it entails and her bills to keep her children. Jami just doesn't see the difference. It is all so sad for Jami and for Kira but it is getting even sadder for Kirk. He is the dirty dog according to Jami now and will be blamed for everything that has happened although that will be unimportant compared to how Jami does without him. in the future. Jeremy and Beaver are worried for me, both say do not be alone with her any more while she is so volatile without Kirk to take it out on and I know they are right although that might be hard to do. Kirk called today and said that Jami won't take his calls and that she says she is done with him. I told him to worry more about her cutting him out of Kira's life as she seems to be trying to do although I assured him that Cheri has noted that he is more parental material. I don't have any illusions about Jami any more, haven't for a long long time. She can't seem to tell the truth about anything and it doesn't take long at all for her to really believe the things she says. I think I am ready for the attacks to come and the things she will blame everyone else for. The proof will be in the pudding as they say. She is totally irresponsible and I have to keep Kira safe. That is the number one priority and I have the memory of Lindsey as well as all the trauma Lindsey goes through still to motivate me to be strong and fight for Kira.
My shrink says I need a therapist to talk about all of this before it drags me too far down and I will get that going but for now this is my therapy. And the always good advice from Beaver and Jeanette and Jess.
That's all folks.
Thanks for your support.

Kirk to Jail

Kirk was sentenced 90 days today for not paying restitution on that accident he had last year. Jami called very upset and kept saying how they were so surprised, I was only surprised that it didn't happen sooner. I don't know how Jami will get by without Kirk but I'm sure she will figure out something. I just don't know how good whatever she figures out to do will be.
Jami started going to the Methadone Clinic again for "detox" although it seems like all they have done so far is mess her up more. She is higher than she has been for ages acting and talking like she just chugged a fifth of vodka. She said they started her at 40 mg. and then raised it four days later even though she missed the next three days. I don't think they have any plans to get her clean any time soon. I've always thought the BAART clinic just got them all addicted to methadone instead of narcotics for which they got paid and make a lot of money. Now the state is paying for Jami's treatment and I'm sure they will get as much money as they can out of this. In the mean time Jami is enjoying her legal buz. Even though I don't like BAART it really bugs me that Kirk wasn't allowed to go to the Methadone clinic, too, because of Jami's claims that he beats her. I wish he would grow some balls or at least a spine and take up for himself against Jami's allegations. Maybe he is afraid because Jami is so very convincing. When I tried to tell them at the clinic that Jami was the violent one they didn't believe me. Not only does Kirk get dogged unfairly but Jami will never get help to get better if no one addresses her aggressive behavior. She went on one of her tangents last weeks that lasted at least three days. Kirk got drunk and Jami kicked him in the butt while he was puking in the toilet and it was on for days. Kirk has the most Godawful bruises on him including the worst bite mark I have ever seen on his inner thigh. As always she cries that he just kept attacking her for no reason and that he beat her with a toilet seat. Her face is scratched up but those wounds look self inflicted although I do think Kirk fought back to some extent. They were here over the weekend and Jami kept taking Kirk outside to go at him some more and she flared at every little thing he did or said, same story as ever. Kira could feel the tension and didn't sleep at night until Sunday when they were gone and then she went right to bed and slept twelve hours. Cheri says it is obvious that Jami doesn't want to be a full time hands on mother and doesn't believe she could. it is all sad and aggravating. I pray that KVC is very careful about when Kira is returned to Jami and Kirk and I also pray that Kirk doesn't get cut out of the picture for the accusations that he is abusive. Jami tears my heart out and has no clue that she is so very messed up.
Jeremy put brake pads on the van today since Kirk can't do these things for me now. Jeremy didn't get the brakes bled so I don't know how the girls will get to school tomorrow.
I now have the plague that Kirk brought us and gave the babies who gave it to Jess who passed it on to me this week. It is an ugly monster. I wish I could just sleep through it but of course I can't.

Killing time

I have to leave for an appointment with Dr. Rogers in 15 minutes so am killing time.
The Town and Country has had a few problems but I still think it is a good deal. What $400. car doesn't have a few problems???? We had to put a new belt on it when we got it and then the belt came off yesterday so I called Kirk to come put another one. Turns out they put the wrong belt on the first time so maybe this one will stay. There is an electrical problem in the dash, odd things happen, and I know that will be a pain in the butt to fix but hopefully I'll find someone who can do it.
Jaz is better. She has been with her mom the last few days but I am picking her up today for the night. When I stop by there she hugs me and points outside wanting to go with me and it breaks my heart.
Jami had court on the child endangerment Tuesday. They wanted her to plead "no contest" but she wanted to fight it even though she would pretty much be fighting me in court since I was summoned by the prosecution but when we all got there she took the plea. I'm very glad she did. I really didn't want to have to testify. Jami is saying the statements I made at the time are false and I don't know if she just doesn't remember or if she just wants it to go away but I told the truth. I do think a few things I said got twisted a little but they have all of the basics correct.
Jeremy is actually making an effort to get along with me and to help me more. I feel bad for him in a way, I would hate to screw up as much as he has. He still insists that wrecking the Blazer wasn't his fault at all but the truth is he shouldn't have pulled out into an intersection in a vehicle that he knew might stall out in front of anyone. And the truth is HE IS A TERRIBLE DRIVER. I don't think that is all his fault, he is not willfully careless, he just doesn't have the awareness to be driving at all. I have taken over the driving again, I should have never gotten lazy and started letting him drive himself to and from work so I wouldn't have to get out with Kira every night, but it IS a drag to have to!!!!
OK. Gotta fly.
See ya.

Jaz has Pneumonia

Took Jaz to the ER last night. She was put on oxygen immediately and we were there for about four hours while they got her stable. She was sent home with me with antibiotics, steroids, and more Albuterol. today has been touch and go with one foot out the door to the ER. They want us to try to control her breathing here so she doesn't get exposed to even more infections in the hospital but she isn't doing very well at all. The red flags, labored breathing, not drinking or wetting, are getting pretty bright red but Jeremy got home a little while ago and got her to drink a little and she is up and playing a little. This is so scary.

Kira is doing better, the antibiotics are giving her diarrhea but she is feeling better. It is just hard having both of them sick and wanting attention.
I'm glad Jeremy is home.
We bought a Town and Country van from Linda F. and it appears to be a very good deal, the best thing we have had.

By By Blazer!!

Jeremy called around eleven tonight and said that the Blazer was totaled. He said that the other driver was at fault but claiming that he hit her. I called Rob to meet me there and took a cab to the scene. Rob called Jeanette who called me while I was on the way there and said that the other vehicle was a cop car and that there were cops everywhere and that they had the intersection blocked off. It ws a nightmare scene of flashing lights. Jeemy ws in the back of one of the cop cars waiting for me to get there with his ID and the proof of insurance etc. The Blazer was hit on the passenger side and both those windows and the front and back windshields were shattered. the cop car was up in a snow bank with the front end crushed, both vehicles totaled. Poor Jeremy seemed just stunned. I emptied the Blazer while they checked out all the car information and Rob gave us a ride home. Jeremy was ticketed for no license and false plates, I still had the last owner's plates on it. I was going to register it today but Jeanette told me there wasn't a fine for doing it late so I put it off. The ticket is cheaper than registering it would have been so maybe that is a good thing. But we have little hope that he will win the suit over whose fault it is since it is a cop car. He is likely screwed. But thank God he isn't hurt. He feels terrible about it and refuses to accept the comfort I try to offer or my assurance that I'm just glad he is OK.
I have no clue how we are going to recover from this one but I know we will.

Kira Sick Again

Now here is what bothers me about this. Kirk came to see Kira Wednesday even though he and Jami have had a terrible virus, coughing, fever, congestion. I asked them both not to come and he came anyhow. I got here after he did, he got here early, and I had picked up masks from the doctor. When I got here he was with Kira and hadn't even washed his hands. A little late for the mask but I told him to put it on anyway. Then neither of them showed up for the Friday or Saturday visits. That's my problem here. If it was that he just HAD to see Kira, missed her so much he came before they were well, then he or they should have come for the next two visits, too. Not just come and get Kira sick and then go about their business. I warned him that I would do him damage if the kids got sick and then reminded him of that today. I didn't even get a phone call from them all weekend although Jami called Jess.
If the other kids get sick and Jaz goes to the ER or Jessalynn misses any more school I am going to go ballistic on Kirk.
I took Jaz home today after dropping Jeremy off at work and before picking up the school girls. It was just Kira and me here for the first time all month but she was so sick she slept all afternoon and evening.
There is a visit scheduled tomorrow.
Hope Kirk is ready for me.