Here we go again

Jami showed up for her visit yesterday flying on Meth. I was worried because I hadn't heard from her since Kirk went to jail so I called Sandy and she hadn't seen her either. I made a few calls and when I called her friend Jeremy he said she had called him around midnight Friday saying she would meet him at some party later, that she wasn't in Council Bluffs. Mike Watson brought her for her visit and that is where she has been staying since Thursday. When she got here I could tell right away she was on Meth and she asked to talk to me. She said that Jim had told her that me getting Kira was something he and I planned. I asked how we could plan for Kira to get burned and she said, Look, I'm trying not to get mad at you looking at me with crazy pinpoint pupil eyes. I told her that I had asked Jim and Teresa if they thought that she and Kirk were able to take care of Kira a long time ago and they said No and that they were right, they weren't taking proper care of her since she was born. Cheri got her shortly later and asked if Jami had gone to the methadone clinic that morning and she said yes and Cheri commented that she seemed much more alert than usual for being on Methadone so Cheri knew, too. then Jami took me aside again and said that she had been staying with Mike because people were calling about drugs and that Kirk had secretly been dealing drugs "behind her back" like he could do anything behind her back. She is in "trash Kirk" mode since he is out of the picture for now. Actually, she is very scary in general now. I was in the kitchen and looked out the patio door and saw she had Kira out there with just a blanket draped around her legs and it was in the thirties. Jessalynn opened the door and told her to bring Kira in for me and Jami came in saying she didn't think Kira was cold out there. Then she insisted on changing Kira into pants and a shirt saying she was dressed too warm in the house even though I explained that it is cold on the floors in the apartment. Kira took off the clothes like she does unless it is jammies with feet or a onesie she is wearing so Jami put her PJ's back on. It was all just crazy and she has no clue how crazy she appears to everyone else like she didn't seem to know how messed up she has been acting on all the Methadone she is getting. I don't know what is going to happen. She talked about getting Kira in a week through family services but I know that won't be happening, thank God. Cheri thinks that Jami is happier being a part time mother like things are now, that she doesn't have it in her to be a full time mom and Jami seems to be clueless about what any of them really think. She also makes comments about how she thinks I would have a hard time giving Kira up. I tell her I would be glad to give her to them if I knew they would be able to take care of her. She seems to be getting back into the thinking I thought she had outgrown like she was when I had Lindsey. And it is all sooo crazy like I thought I would like to raise more kids after mine grew up!! Of course I will, any of my grandchildren will always have a home with me if they need one, but it is the hope that their parents will raise them and I will just be grandma. Jami thinks that Jess is in the same or worse shape as her as a parent and that seems to make her feel better and I don't correct her but that is soo far off base. Jess is a good mother even though I help her a lot. She buys food for the kids with her food stamps instead of selling them and makes sure they have a nice home to live in. Yea, she uses section 8 but she keeps up with all it entails and her bills to keep her children. Jami just doesn't see the difference. It is all so sad for Jami and for Kira but it is getting even sadder for Kirk. He is the dirty dog according to Jami now and will be blamed for everything that has happened although that will be unimportant compared to how Jami does without him. in the future. Jeremy and Beaver are worried for me, both say do not be alone with her any more while she is so volatile without Kirk to take it out on and I know they are right although that might be hard to do. Kirk called today and said that Jami won't take his calls and that she says she is done with him. I told him to worry more about her cutting him out of Kira's life as she seems to be trying to do although I assured him that Cheri has noted that he is more parental material. I don't have any illusions about Jami any more, haven't for a long long time. She can't seem to tell the truth about anything and it doesn't take long at all for her to really believe the things she says. I think I am ready for the attacks to come and the things she will blame everyone else for. The proof will be in the pudding as they say. She is totally irresponsible and I have to keep Kira safe. That is the number one priority and I have the memory of Lindsey as well as all the trauma Lindsey goes through still to motivate me to be strong and fight for Kira.
My shrink says I need a therapist to talk about all of this before it drags me too far down and I will get that going but for now this is my therapy. And the always good advice from Beaver and Jeanette and Jess.
That's all folks.
Thanks for your support.