Sick Babies!!!!!!

Jessalynn has been sick since Nett's kids were here and then Kira cried from midnight to 4 am and Jess says Jaz did the same. Their tummies hurt them and now they have the snottiest noses on top of that. jess brought me Jaz today because she is desperate not to get sick, I already have it, and also Jaz is the only one running a hight fever and will likely end up in the ER as usual. Kira at least was playing and smiling today, Jaz is just miserable.
The good news is that I finally found a double stroller on Craig's List for $50. and I already went and got it before someone else did. It is really nice and should make life a little easier with the babies. I should have a triple for when Riley is with us but I couldn't find one of those. But I mostly have the two.

Sick Babies!!!!!!

Jessalynn has been sick since Nett's kids were here and then Kira cried from midnight to 4 am and Jess says Jaz did the same. Their tummies hurt them and now they have the snottiest noses on top of that. jess brought me Jaz today because she is desperate not to get sick, I already have it, and also Jaz is the only one running a hight fever and will likely end up in the ER as usual. Kira at least was playing and smiling today, Jaz is just miserable.
The good news is that I finally found a double stroller on Craig's List for $50. and I already went and got it before someone else did. It is really nice and should make life a little easier with the babies. I should have a triple for when Riley is with us but I couldn't find one of those. But I mostly have the two.

Jeremy and Rhoda Go OUT!

OK, yea, we took two babies with us but we went out to eat for the first time in at least a year!!! We took Kira and Jaz to the Olive Garden and had a really good time. The babies were really good for their first restaurant experience. They made quite a mess but there was no crying or anything but fun with them. We ate too much and the babies left a lot of noodles under the table, we left a big tip for that! Jaz stabbed her breadstick with a crayon and ate it off the crayon. Kira ate her crayon. It felt really good to get out like that.
We also stopped by the liquidation place Jess is working at. I bought some piercing earrings and we looked everything over. They are going to stay another week and we will probably go back and buy a new stereo for the van, ours gave out last week.
Jess gave me a pair of silver spider earrings and a COACH purse last night. She seems to be much much happier working and she is doing very well there. She was promoted already and is getting into her job. It makes me happy to see her happy. :)
Jessalynn went home last night and Jaz today so it is just Kira with us again for a while. She loves having Jaz here but she likes this 1 on 1 time a lot, too, and so do I. I think it is good for us.
Kira's social worker, Linda, stopped by to visit today. She's really a sweet woman and she is happy with Kira's life here.
All.

Saturday Robby Sick

No Robby and Jenise today. Robby has been sick for several days, vomiting and just feeling terrible. So it is just jessalynn and the babies today.
A man called me yesterday asking if I could watch Jess's kids while he took her to work for him in Kentucky. Jess is working for him here right now for $100. a day cooking lunches but he wants her to be his front person, not sure what the business is exactly but Jess says quite a few people travel with him working. I'll have to find out more. Jess isn't sure she wants to do it, this trip would be for 2 weeks and then he wants her to work for him in the fall, too. I don't have a problem watching the kids but I want to check the guy out a little.
Gene called yesterday. Talk about surreal! He doesn't sound the same at all, of course. He says he has thought about me often through the years, surprising since we didn't see each other much at all when we were kids and I doubt he even knew I had puppy love for him. He is going to send me pics of him through the years so I can grow him up in my head. Jeremy is OK with me talking to Gene. I have started searching for Bobby Montfort. I think he deserves whatever dirty trick I can think up for telling me Gene was dead.
The babies are all growing up too fast and I think these could be my last grandchildren unless Jess has another. Kira has learned how to climb out of her crib and playpen although I have never seen her do it and don't know how she does it but I have put her to bed several times only to have her walk into the living room smiling or woke up with her in our bed.
Yesterday Jeremy got up and said he had a bad dream about me losing all memory of him and then dying and he started crying telling me. I'm always surprised at how much he loves me.
Jim says he talked to Jami at Sandy's but I have heard nothing from her.
All.
PS Mikey is a punk.

Zoo with Jessalynn's class

Jeremy, Kira, Jaz and I met Jessalynn's class at the zoo for a field trip today. We met at the Treetop Restaurant at 11 and the class was split into groups between the volunteer parents and we had until 1 to explore the zoo. We only had two girls besides Jessalynn and we went to see the alligators first, the the gorillas, and then it is a bit of a blur of pain. I should have volunteered for a sit down field trip!!! Thank goodness Jeremy came!!! We signed Jessalynn out of class and stayed at the zoo for a couple of hours after the class left. We rode the tram, the train and Skyfari were closed, and we went and saw the elephants and a few other things before I couldn't go any more and we came home. I offered to wait in the van with the babies napping until Jeremy and Jessalynn were done but they were tired, too.
Kira didn't notice much yet except in the Petting Zoo where the goats swarmed their double stroller and both babies pet them and loved it. Jaz surprised me by being more aware of the animals, even the ones behind glass. She was a little scared of the big gorilla that was right by the thick glass but seemed to figure out that they couldn't get to her.
It would have been better if I could have been getting around better. Maybe we should go more often and I would get stronger and last longer although I'm not sure if being stronger is the problem. I am just too beat up. That's as much as I will admit.
We took Jessalynn home and ran a couple of errands for Jess and came home like two old folks, I ache all over and Jeremy had a huge headache when we got here but some Ibuprophen seems to be helping him. I took three of my pain pills, too, and feel a little better but they don't do much for the pain in my poor feet. Gotta get them fixed when I get through with some of the other repairs.
Been talking to Mikey on Facebook. Haven't heard anything from him in so long I was getting worried that there was something wrong but he is the same aging punk as always.
Hope he still peeks in here once in a while!!
All.

Frantic!!!

I don't know what to do about Jami. I am getting frantic calls about her that are all bad. I talked to someone she has known most of her life who didn't recognize her when he ran into her the other day. Said she is skin and bones. Another person sys her face is one big scab from doing meth and picking at the zits. I hear the man she is with has been charged with rape before, is being hunted by the Mexicans on south O, uses both opiates and meth, and I know he has a warrant in Sarpy County for Possession of a Controlled Substance. Her bondsman is calling and actively searching for her and I hear that it will be the saving of her if they find her and lock her up where she will be somewhat safe. She is throwing what life she has left away and there is nothing I can do to save her but pray. I hear she has been up for weeks and is picking fights with people she "has no business" starting fights with. Everyone who cares bout her is terrified for her and they are all the people she is badmouthing and doing wrong. Her father is scared for her life and all she does is talk shit about him being "against" her. She blames me for her not going to court and says I kept the court date from her so she would lose Kira, like I would have to do anything to cause that, she is doing it all by herself, but it gives her her reason to not talk to me... How to save her from herself???
The bondsman. He has to find her for us. Fast.

It is really spring!

It is so nice out I am wanting to get out of the city. I would love to make a trip to the farm but second choice would be to go to one of the lakes close to here.
I took Jaz off of the bottle a few days ago. She was harder to get off it than Kira, maybe because we waited too long with her although I don't think she would have been very easy anytime. She loves her ba ba!!! I am keeping her until she is through the worst of it, maybe she is now, but I still rock her to sleep.
Kira and Jaz give each other kisses, too cute!!! Jaz said her own name today in a sentence, "Jaz poopie"!! I blew bubbles for them today and they both can say "bubbles".
I've been seeing the pee doctor again for infusions. Not much fun but I let things get pretty bad.
I finally heard from Jami today but I don't know how much to believe of what all she says. Nothing she says matches up with anything else I hear almost all of the time. She says she has been off drugs for ten days and is through the withdrawals, she says Breezy went nuts and accused her of sleeping with her man, (She called Jess from said man's phone a couple of days ago), and more, can't remember all of it. Her bondsman called me today looking for her and I told her that and she said she is going to go to open court tomorrow morning and take care of it. One thing she said is the same as what all I hear about, she says there are people who want to hurt her and that she is afraid of getting jumped. She says she is still planing to fight for Kira and that she wants to make sure that Kirk doesn't get her. I asked her if I could get Kirk's wallet for him so he can start work release and she said not until he talks to her. I reminded her that no one has been able to find her to talk to her for a week and she got a little shady denying that. Then she did say a minute later that no one has known where she has been staying. I didn't make any comment to most of what she said, I just don't have anything to say when she talks about all the things she is going to do because she usually doesn't do any of them and then blames everyone else and I just don't want to get involved in it or believe it until I see it. I don't know how many times she has told me that she was done with drugs and already through her withdrawals. I don't think it has ever been true unless she was going to the Methadone clinic regularly, which is still doing drugs, and she wasn't drug free for much of the time that she did go to the clinic. She says still, although not to me again, that it is my fault that she missed court in Iowa. I do remember her public defender calling me once and wanting to know if I knew about Jami's next court date and I told her that I knew nothing about her charges in Iowa but that I had just talked to Jami and would tell her to call her and I did right away. Jami just said OK and I assumed she would call her. Guess she didn't or forgot what she was told if she did.
Jeremy is working about 50 hours a week lately. We don't see a lot of each other but I guess it is good that he is making some money now. We both have a little money in the bank right now and it feels pretty good. If Jess could get on her feet I would have more but she is working at the mall again and maybe someday Patrick will start paying child support like he is supposed to. We have been hearing that his boss is taking the money out of his checks but not giving it to Child Support and that Pat is too scared of losing his job to say anything even though it is costing him in interest building up and costing Jessalynn having everything she needs and costing me to make up for him not paying all of the time but it gets to sounding like bullshit after a while. I hate to think Patrick is such a pussy he would let someone rip off him, not to mention Jessalynn, month after month for this long. Sorry Patrick, but either you are a pussy or you are lying.
All for now.

By By Long Hair!!!!

I finally did it. Mom would be so happy. I had my hair cut shaggy and layered shoulder length this morning. It isn't exactly what I wanted but it will do for now. I don't know anyone's opinion on it yet, Jeremy saw but he wouldn't say if it was terrible, but I feel better and that is what I was after.
Jami was a no call no show today. I tried to call her cell but kept getting a recording saying she was out of area of the phone was turned off. I wish I could understand what is going on with her. Besides the obvious that she is blowing a smoke screen of lies to cover up something. She called yesterday and said that a warrant had gone out for her because her lawyer had told me about her having a court date in CB and that I didn't tell her so she missed it. I knew that wasn't true, my memory is slipping a little but not that bad! She went on talking about not knowing that she missed court last week until I said, Wait a minute. Kirk told me that you missed your court date last week, the next day. How did he know and you didn't?? She seemed confused and didn't say anything else about it. Them Kirk called last night and said that Jami told him that her lawyer called me and told me that she would be arrested if she didn't turn herself in last night. Again, I would have remembered that! and i told Kirk about her call to me. Jami has always been a little honesty challenged but this lately is just really crazy. Kirk hopes that it all is about her not having her medication but I think there is more than that. She has been without it for longer many times and not gone off the deep end like this. Drugs and men cause her to act like this. Ithink Kirk must have heard something about Joey because he made the comment that he wouldn't care what else she might have done since he has been in jail if she would just stop and start trying to get Kira back. Kirk said she spoke as though she has given up on ever getting Kira back. I want to yell, But you didn't try yet!!! But i just don't understand the hold addiction has on her. Never have although I try. I can't imagine anything I wouldn't give up to keep one of my own with me, even my own life easily. But there are many, many women who make the same decision to do drugs. And being an addict isn't the biggest stumbling block to her ability to take care of a baby. It is the way she lives. This living in a half world, an underworld, blind to the people and years passing her by while she is down there . I just hope she isn't thinking it will all be here waiting for her if she does decide to return to us. Her children will be grown and I could be dead by then and she would go back down and never come back. Or maybe she is already gone forever. We all had some hope while she was pregnant and going to the methadone clinic regularly but there was that time I heard her say that she would be happy to be able to do some meth on the weekends once in a while after she had her baby. All the warning bells went off. The other day Jeanette said that she was grateful for Jami's last pregnancy because it let her have a chance to be with the real Jami for a little while. That made me feel so sad and realize again how Jami's addiction causes everyone who loves her pain.
Wednesdays go better for me since I don't pick up the girls from school. I can let Jeremy take the van to work and go to bed early and not have to or be able to run all over the place.
I had my infusion at Dr. Felony's office today. It was painful but if I remember right it gets easier. I am supposed to go for one every week for six weeks and start physical therapy.
I have to look up Jess's child support for her now.

Another One

Up too early again. Jeremy woke in one of his soaking sweats around four and I have been up since but I did go to sleep earlier than usual last night. I don't know what to do for Jeremy. I think there is something wrong but I don't think Fred Leroy can help him much more. It is great that they do the things they do for Native Americans but they are limited.
I looked up what is wrong with Jeanette. She has Uterine Prolapse, likely from Riley's rough delivery. Again, I am having a hard time getting help for her without her having insurance or qualifying for medicaid but we will get this taken care of. .
Should be an easier day for me. No kid pick up after school because it is Girl Scout day. It is hard with Jeremy working so much now but we do need the money so there isn't much to do about that right now.

Tuesday Morning

Another sleepless night, I think from the Prednisone I have been taking but I am done with it, just have to get it out of my system.
Jeremy got a nice paycheck yesterday that should help us get a few things done that have been put off. Like pay the electric!! And maybe I can get Kira some summer clothes.
Jami has done a flip. She is talking about starting to dress and act like a 33 year old woman, whatever that is going to mean if anything long term. She has the best ideas sometimes but just can't carry through very often. I always hope to some degree but I have become a little jaded with it and have a I'll wait and see attitude. So, maybe. It has been four months since Kira was made a ward of the state.
It is funny how hard it hit me that Gene is alive. It doesn't really matter in my life right now, but it is a grief I suffered so young and there has always been this sorrow in me that I know now didn't need to be there. I would very likely have never have seen him again after his family moved to California. I wouldn't have forgotten him, he was the first guy I actually liked, but I keep thinking if my world would have been different without carrying that grief all these years. I am sick at the cruel joke of being told Gene was dead. I am glad he is alive but it would have been really nice to have never have thought him dead.
Dr. Felony for me today and Fred Leroy clinic for Jeremy today, hopefully they will help him with that torn rotary cuff or whatever is hurting his shoulder so badly.
Off to start the day but I sure hope I find a nap today!

6 Kids Overnight!!!

Three big kids, if 8 and under is big, three babies, 15 to 18 months!!! What a houseful!!
Lesson 1: If you decide to make six kids root beer floats in a blender put the lid on before turning on the blender!
Not too old to learn new things.
I don't hear much from Jami. Very worried about her state of mind. She is very paranoid and angry. She keeps getting angry at Jim saying everything is his fault and making wild accusations against him and I guess me, too, since I was included in yesterday's. She told Jim that Jess told her that he came over here and the he and I went outside and had a long talk about keeping Kira from her. Never happened, don't remember when Jim was last here. Then last night she did something like have reezy talk to Jim on the phone with her listening, and the day before I got a call from her friend, Chad, out of the blue asking what I knew about her and I don't think he could have had my number unless Jami gave it to him to call. The sad thing is how out of focus all of these games are. None of it has anything to do with her getting Kira back. Making it to all of her visits and court appearances, getting off drugs, going to the methadone clinic, those are the things she needs to be worried about instead of playing these intrigue games. I don't know what she is really thinking at all. She got offended that I knew about Joey and denied everything which didn't bother me a bit and I let her know it didn't really matter to me, only commenting Yea, your father told me that you were done with Joey. Smoke screens, that's what it seems like she is doing. Making a facade of BS to not say whatever is really going on with her. Or maybe she is just that out of it. I know she has been out of psych meds for a while and she may be too far gone with that to do the things she needs to do to get them now. It is all sad and I have no clue what if anything to do for her especially since she isn't really talking to me.
Enough of that.
The first boy I had a real thing for when I was maybe 13 or 14 was named Gene. His family moved to California and when I went to ask one of his friends, Bobby Shitheads, if he had heard from him he told me that Gene had been killed in a car accident going to California. I went into a deep mourning and then started searching for information on what happened. I've been looking for Gene ever since any way I knew how. When I got Internet years ago I started doing people searches and got nothing but I also couldn't find him in the deceased on the Social Security site so I kept looking. Then I put a search in Facebook and lo and behold Gene is alive and well. Emailing him is unreal and I know it is really him from the things he knows. Some part of me just knew I would find him alive someday but I never thought it would take almost forty years!!!
That's all folks!

Well I'm Stumped

I don't know what is going on with Jami. She has missed her visits this week and I haven't talked to her. I have tried to call her a few times and got no answer and she left me a message last night saying she would be here for her visit today but no call no show again. I'm hearing terrible things about her and have no clue what she is planning or if she is even able to plan anything. Kirk going to jail has just been really bad news. I hear from people in CB that she has been seeing, some say going with, Joey Torez, which is down right frightening, and Kirk says she won't hardly take his calls and when she does she tells him that she wishes they hadn't had Kira, that everything is his fault, and that she now has a warrant in CB for not going to court on her old possession of methamphetamines charge. I don't know if she is going to the methadone clinic, Kirk doesn't think she will be showing up for drug court on Tuesdays because of the new warrant, and it looks like she is just headed for trouble. I have also heard that Joey's wife is out to kill her, not too surprising, but nothing sounds good. It is hrd to think she is hanging with people like Joey and Mike Watson. One of her friends called me today asking about her but I got a feeling that he might have been trying to find out how much I know, maybe Jami asked him to call. I didn't say a lot but I did say I knew about Joey. He acted like he didn't know anything about it but then later in the conversation said something that made me think he did. Whatever. I don't like these games.
I went to the ER 'cause I couldn't sleep with wheezing so loud and I have pneumonia. They gave me antibiotics and steroids and I already feel better. I've been getting sicker and sicker for a while, I got to where I forgot what it felt like to not be sick but I decided to find out. Much better.
Jessalynn is spending the night with Nett and I have Kira and Jaz here. They are so fun and soooo much work to keep up with!!!
I have been on Jess to get her act together better and she is trying even though I didn't think she would while I was trying to talk to her. I swear it was just like trying to talk to her when she was fifteen, rolling her eyes, making faces, and blaming me for everything. That hurt. She was the most trouble as a teenager, even more than Jami, and I put more into saving her from herself than any of them and this is what I get now. I tried not to show too much how much she hurt me but to talk to her I was the worst mother in the world and she was the mistreated angel. I tried everything for and with her.

Jeanette finally got to see a doctor and got her ultrasound done of the lump in her breast. It turned out to be fine but during the physical something almost just as bad came up. Her uterus is falling out of her body and they say she has to have a hysterectomy and that the condition is very serious. The problem now is no insurance and she is trying to figure out how to qualify for Medicaid. I think she should have Rob move to his mother's and then she would easily qualify. She had better do that if we don't think of anything else. They also thought her thyroid was enlarged but say the TSH test ws normal but we will have to be on the look out for taht ,too, with me having Grave's Disease.
Wow. Dont I have anything cheerful to write???
The spring weather is beautiful. I hope to be well enough to have all of the kids over tomorrow and do something outside with them even if it is just a picnic out back. I am feeling much better. I said that, didn't I?
Now that's bad when you have to talk about the weather to say something pleasant.

Easter and HAPPY BIRTHDAY lINDSEY

It is Easter morning. I have Kira, Jessalynn, Jaz, Jenise and Robby and have to get them ready to go to Nett's for their egg hunt and then the rest of the holiday things we do and I have a headache and was up until four this morning!!! Gotta put on the happy face and get this done right.
Ooops. I put hair dye in the kid's hair and it got all over them especially on their faces and we can't get it off!!!! Nett and Jess are going to kill me!!!! I don't remember having such a mess when my girls did this when they were little. AND it is getting all over their Easter clothes, too!!!
I am also sad that it is Lindsey's birthday and I am not allowed to talk to or communicate with her in any way according to John's rule.
That is just wrong.
Jeremy has to work today and is sad to miss Easter with the kids. He is working way too much. He is in constant pain from the torn rotary cuff and from the wreck and I am afraid he is going to work until he just can't move even with the medicine.
Happy Easter!