I finally did it. Mom would be so happy. I had my hair cut shaggy and layered shoulder length this morning. It isn't exactly what I wanted but it will do for now. I don't know anyone's opinion on it yet, Jeremy saw but he wouldn't say if it was terrible, but I feel better and that is what I was after.
Jami was a no call no show today. I tried to call her cell but kept getting a recording saying she was out of area of the phone was turned off. I wish I could understand what is going on with her. Besides the obvious that she is blowing a smoke screen of lies to cover up something. She called yesterday and said that a warrant had gone out for her because her lawyer had told me about her having a court date in CB and that I didn't tell her so she missed it. I knew that wasn't true, my memory is slipping a little but not that bad! She went on talking about not knowing that she missed court last week until I said, Wait a minute. Kirk told me that you missed your court date last week, the next day. How did he know and you didn't?? She seemed confused and didn't say anything else about it. Them Kirk called last night and said that Jami told him that her lawyer called me and told me that she would be arrested if she didn't turn herself in last night. Again, I would have remembered that! and i told Kirk about her call to me. Jami has always been a little honesty challenged but this lately is just really crazy. Kirk hopes that it all is about her not having her medication but I think there is more than that. She has been without it for longer many times and not gone off the deep end like this. Drugs and men cause her to act like this. Ithink Kirk must have heard something about Joey because he made the comment that he wouldn't care what else she might have done since he has been in jail if she would just stop and start trying to get Kira back. Kirk said she spoke as though she has given up on ever getting Kira back. I want to yell, But you didn't try yet!!! But i just don't understand the hold addiction has on her. Never have although I try. I can't imagine anything I wouldn't give up to keep one of my own with me, even my own life easily. But there are many, many women who make the same decision to do drugs. And being an addict isn't the biggest stumbling block to her ability to take care of a baby. It is the way she lives. This living in a half world, an underworld, blind to the people and years passing her by while she is down there . I just hope she isn't thinking it will all be here waiting for her if she does decide to return to us. Her children will be grown and I could be dead by then and she would go back down and never come back. Or maybe she is already gone forever. We all had some hope while she was pregnant and going to the methadone clinic regularly but there was that time I heard her say that she would be happy to be able to do some meth on the weekends once in a while after she had her baby. All the warning bells went off. The other day Jeanette said that she was grateful for Jami's last pregnancy because it let her have a chance to be with the real Jami for a little while. That made me feel so sad and realize again how Jami's addiction causes everyone who loves her pain.
Wednesdays go better for me since I don't pick up the girls from school. I can let Jeremy take the van to work and go to bed early and not have to or be able to run all over the place.
I had my infusion at Dr. Felony's office today. It was painful but if I remember right it gets easier. I am supposed to go for one every week for six weeks and start physical therapy.
I have to look up Jess's child support for her now.
Jami was a no call no show today. I tried to call her cell but kept getting a recording saying she was out of area of the phone was turned off. I wish I could understand what is going on with her. Besides the obvious that she is blowing a smoke screen of lies to cover up something. She called yesterday and said that a warrant had gone out for her because her lawyer had told me about her having a court date in CB and that I didn't tell her so she missed it. I knew that wasn't true, my memory is slipping a little but not that bad! She went on talking about not knowing that she missed court last week until I said, Wait a minute. Kirk told me that you missed your court date last week, the next day. How did he know and you didn't?? She seemed confused and didn't say anything else about it. Them Kirk called last night and said that Jami told him that her lawyer called me and told me that she would be arrested if she didn't turn herself in last night. Again, I would have remembered that! and i told Kirk about her call to me. Jami has always been a little honesty challenged but this lately is just really crazy. Kirk hopes that it all is about her not having her medication but I think there is more than that. She has been without it for longer many times and not gone off the deep end like this. Drugs and men cause her to act like this. Ithink Kirk must have heard something about Joey because he made the comment that he wouldn't care what else she might have done since he has been in jail if she would just stop and start trying to get Kira back. Kirk said she spoke as though she has given up on ever getting Kira back. I want to yell, But you didn't try yet!!! But i just don't understand the hold addiction has on her. Never have although I try. I can't imagine anything I wouldn't give up to keep one of my own with me, even my own life easily. But there are many, many women who make the same decision to do drugs. And being an addict isn't the biggest stumbling block to her ability to take care of a baby. It is the way she lives. This living in a half world, an underworld, blind to the people and years passing her by while she is down there . I just hope she isn't thinking it will all be here waiting for her if she does decide to return to us. Her children will be grown and I could be dead by then and she would go back down and never come back. Or maybe she is already gone forever. We all had some hope while she was pregnant and going to the methadone clinic regularly but there was that time I heard her say that she would be happy to be able to do some meth on the weekends once in a while after she had her baby. All the warning bells went off. The other day Jeanette said that she was grateful for Jami's last pregnancy because it let her have a chance to be with the real Jami for a little while. That made me feel so sad and realize again how Jami's addiction causes everyone who loves her pain.
Wednesdays go better for me since I don't pick up the girls from school. I can let Jeremy take the van to work and go to bed early and not have to or be able to run all over the place.
I had my infusion at Dr. Felony's office today. It was painful but if I remember right it gets easier. I am supposed to go for one every week for six weeks and start physical therapy.
I have to look up Jess's child support for her now.
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