It is a beautiful morning. Sunny but breezy and still very comfortable in the shade. One o those mornings that makes Everything feel possible.
Monday, July 13, 2020
Saturday, July 11, 2020
My New Family Dynamic
Family has been my whole world. I have considered many family who I e had to discard, some drifted away, and some joined my family rising to become Some of the Best.
Rob was my family all his teen years and into adulthood but I lost him when he got lost in meth. Hr hurt me deeply during his drug years, as deeply as anyone has ever hurt me. When he said it was over I held back for years watching him. Making sure. Many people have claimed to be off drugs but actually only hid it better. When I first started seeing his girlfriend Tiff at school functions for our kids I stood back and just watched. Her son Jet is the same age/grade as Kira and Jazz. I started making sure I stood near her at school functions, at first to eavesdrop on her interactions with others and then I slowly started speaking to her. Jeanette noticed and I told her I was just doing it to get a reaction out of Rob to not be labeled a traitor talking to the ex's girl and it was actually the truth.
Tiffany didn't rebuff me at All. For a couple of years we would talk about whatever the kids were doing and I had to throw out my old prejudiced to really see who I was talking to. She was a very involved and loving mother to Jet. She also constantly expressed interest in not only Robs children but also mine, his nieces. After a few years of this I started greeting Rob when he came to school functions too. This was hard for me at first and a little fake. What I saw in Rob was a huge relief that I was being friendly and an almost desperate searching for the huge love I had for him Before. We used to say "fake it till you make it" in salesmanship. I remember the day I realized I was no longer faking a connection with Rob. We were at a trampoline place for a kids party and I said something about shoveling my driveway and Rob said, "Hey!I'll still come shovel for you anytime!" And the wall I had erected so I couldnt feel the love we had before started to crumble a little.
After that all pretense was gone, I knew I truly was starting to care for him again. Tiffany was just too good to be true to me. (Oh wow. 2025, I knit tour was absolutely Not True!! Scheming Bitch!!) I struggled accepting who she seemed to be for another year but she kept pushing through all my preconceived notions about her and I started wondering if she might actually be ok. (2025 - She WASN'T/ISN'T!)
Jeanette never really warmed up to Tiff but even she admitted many times that she felt that Tiff was good for her kids. She even stated once that Tiffany was the reason she trusted her children visiting their father. (2025 - We bitterly laughed about this last week!)
Then this BOMB exploded between Jeanette and Jenise last March. It blew up our whole family as it relates to Jeanette. I was told to get Jenise and keep her. I told Jeanette that instead I had called Rob and Tiff to step in because, well I'm sick and old. I asked Jeanette if that was ok and she didnt respond but I assumed it was ok with her. (2025 - NEVER ASSUME!) Just three months ago Jeanette had sent the kids to Rob and Tiff for Christmas stating she and David couldnt afford to give them Christmas. Rob and Tiff stepped in and did magnificently by the kids.
Now, Rob, Tiff and I have been lumped together and vilified by Jeanette publicly for Months, and Vilified isn't nearly stong enough a word for it!!
It has been one of the worst experiences of my life an I have no clue how to fix it because I'm not sure exactly what I did wrong.
Rob was my family all his teen years and into adulthood but I lost him when he got lost in meth. Hr hurt me deeply during his drug years, as deeply as anyone has ever hurt me. When he said it was over I held back for years watching him. Making sure. Many people have claimed to be off drugs but actually only hid it better. When I first started seeing his girlfriend Tiff at school functions for our kids I stood back and just watched. Her son Jet is the same age/grade as Kira and Jazz. I started making sure I stood near her at school functions, at first to eavesdrop on her interactions with others and then I slowly started speaking to her. Jeanette noticed and I told her I was just doing it to get a reaction out of Rob to not be labeled a traitor talking to the ex's girl and it was actually the truth.
Tiffany didn't rebuff me at All. For a couple of years we would talk about whatever the kids were doing and I had to throw out my old prejudiced to really see who I was talking to. She was a very involved and loving mother to Jet. She also constantly expressed interest in not only Robs children but also mine, his nieces. After a few years of this I started greeting Rob when he came to school functions too. This was hard for me at first and a little fake. What I saw in Rob was a huge relief that I was being friendly and an almost desperate searching for the huge love I had for him Before. We used to say "fake it till you make it" in salesmanship. I remember the day I realized I was no longer faking a connection with Rob. We were at a trampoline place for a kids party and I said something about shoveling my driveway and Rob said, "Hey!I'll still come shovel for you anytime!" And the wall I had erected so I couldnt feel the love we had before started to crumble a little.
After that all pretense was gone, I knew I truly was starting to care for him again. Tiffany was just too good to be true to me. (Oh wow. 2025, I knit tour was absolutely Not True!! Scheming Bitch!!) I struggled accepting who she seemed to be for another year but she kept pushing through all my preconceived notions about her and I started wondering if she might actually be ok. (2025 - She WASN'T/ISN'T!)
Jeanette never really warmed up to Tiff but even she admitted many times that she felt that Tiff was good for her kids. She even stated once that Tiffany was the reason she trusted her children visiting their father. (2025 - We bitterly laughed about this last week!)
Then this BOMB exploded between Jeanette and Jenise last March. It blew up our whole family as it relates to Jeanette. I was told to get Jenise and keep her. I told Jeanette that instead I had called Rob and Tiff to step in because, well I'm sick and old. I asked Jeanette if that was ok and she didnt respond but I assumed it was ok with her. (2025 - NEVER ASSUME!) Just three months ago Jeanette had sent the kids to Rob and Tiff for Christmas stating she and David couldnt afford to give them Christmas. Rob and Tiff stepped in and did magnificently by the kids.
Now, Rob, Tiff and I have been lumped together and vilified by Jeanette publicly for Months, and Vilified isn't nearly stong enough a word for it!!
It has been one of the worst experiences of my life an I have no clue how to fix it because I'm not sure exactly what I did wrong.
Rob and Tiff still have Jenise and she is doing ok.
Sunday, July 5, 2020
2020 Fourth of July
This year we had to break our family tradition of going to Ralston for the Fourth because it and most other celebrations were canceled because of Covid19. Our neighbor Martel had our street closed for a block party with a bouncy house, he even rented a porta potty for this! We were invited but didnt really join them, mostly because I know that the women on our block dont care for us. (Sadly it feels like this is because of racism.) Jeremy bought a lot of fireworks and Jessalynn, Brandon, Jenise and Victoria joined us and we made a big barbecue dinner. The firework show we all put on was pretty spectacular! All of north Omaha shot thousands of dollars into the sky until it was so smokey you could barely see a block away. The firework stands made record breaking sales this year because the big shows were canceled. I felt a little choked up looking around us and seeing huge fireworks lighting the sky in all directions, feeling like a part of one huge joint celebration all United to make a magical night for this Fourth!
I felt bad that I didn't participate in the Monopoly game going on before and after the fireworks but I was pretty much incapacitated from the preparation for the party. I got up yesterday and mowed the 2 foot hogh lawn and I made the potato salad and ended up barely able to walk. After the fireworks my feet fell asleep while I was walking around, which has never happened before and I was dizzy and nauseated. All day I jeptcfeeling my lips and hands going numb, I dont believe I am able to move the lawn any more, I shouldn't have yesterday, but it was really sweet because when Jessalynn heard that I had she insisted that I never try to do it again and said that she or Brandon would come and do it from now on. The thing is that Jeremy should really take care of things like this but often I'd rather do things myself than deal with his attitude if I ask him.
Anyway, it was a pretty special night. We were forced to celebrate at home because of the pandemic but the silver lining was that it in no way diminished the feeling of family, unity and pride of this holiday.
I felt bad that I didn't participate in the Monopoly game going on before and after the fireworks but I was pretty much incapacitated from the preparation for the party. I got up yesterday and mowed the 2 foot hogh lawn and I made the potato salad and ended up barely able to walk. After the fireworks my feet fell asleep while I was walking around, which has never happened before and I was dizzy and nauseated. All day I jeptcfeeling my lips and hands going numb, I dont believe I am able to move the lawn any more, I shouldn't have yesterday, but it was really sweet because when Jessalynn heard that I had she insisted that I never try to do it again and said that she or Brandon would come and do it from now on. The thing is that Jeremy should really take care of things like this but often I'd rather do things myself than deal with his attitude if I ask him.
Anyway, it was a pretty special night. We were forced to celebrate at home because of the pandemic but the silver lining was that it in no way diminished the feeling of family, unity and pride of this holiday.
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