Fortress of Rhodatude

The snow fort is almost complete and we'll have about a week before it melts. Gonna have to make it a good week!!😁

lindsey phone number

I don't know why Rizzo is sending me Lindsey's phone number. Did she ask him to?? I'm afraid to talk to her. Afraid of having to face more accusations and hatred. 

Still too much grief

Had a terrible crying spell today, just couldn't stop crying. Jenise snuck in a visit. When she left I broke. For all Jeanette has taken from me,  and I still am clueless WHY and then the tears escalate over All The Loss. I am always holding back tears for Jessalynn,  but I manage to hold the Belk grandchildren farther back in my mind, deeper in my heart, mostly accepted loss after almost a year. Today it all poured out again. I was stunned with the desire to just die and not feel it or, God forbid, even more pain. I was almost convinced that I had chosen Life. It's much harder when you are sure there isn't much left anyway.

New lease on an old life

I have been almost completely bed bound most of the last year. Dr .  Holmberg (cardio) saved my life and gave me back Quality of Life. The daily crippling headaches are gone. My energy level is 100% better. I can think clearly. I don't feel my heart stumble and skip beats terrifying me any more. I don't just think of things I want to do, I DO them!! 

Thank you to Dr. Gold for taking me seriously and sending me to cardiology. Thank you Dr. Holmberg for listening, for Hearing me, and not just blowing me off like others have. Thank you God for both of them and this life extension. 

Fortunate Fortitude

I've been building my snow fort for three days now. I need at least 3 more days to finish it. I am so thankful to have the strength - and snow! - to build it this year. After our last (record breaking?) snow Kirk shoveled and piled it all in the middle of the yard. A HUGE help!! Trying to make it a foot taller and several feet larger this time. I have 3 walls at least 4 feet tall, one foot thick.

Doing this is my therapy,  almost my church. Working in near silence most of the time oblivious to what noise there is. I thought the first one might be my last. If I hadn't gone to a cardiologist to fix my heart it would have been. 

I can't wait to finish!!

And if I die trying know I died at peace.