My Heart Overfloweth

Yesterday Robby came over for the first time in a year and it left me just overwhelmed ❤. Sitting and just listening to him and Jenise made my heart explode! Jenise gave me a handwritten book of her poetry that would be worth millions on Ebay if I ever sold it after she is discovered. Her work is extremely powerful. I know that talent at her age is often the most powerful because the teen perspective is so raw but if she manages to keep it into adulthood and build on it she will be unstoppable. Everything she writes is relatable on every level. Steven King before his accident is the only writer I've ever said that about.

Robbie didn't offer as much conversation but his glory was often in his commentary on others and even often just the expression on his face.

Robbie talks like he lost his art muse. I really hope he gets it back because it was amazing, too! He says that his mom gave him a tattoo kit he has been studying how to use and trying to design some tattoos Jeanette has told him she wants so maybe that will wake his muse and give it a new direction. 

I took them home around 7 and was just giddy driving back home.

A Feel Good Day

No reason, except maybe I slept good for a change, but I feel Good Today. 

Two days since the Moderna vaccine now. I had some fever and nausea but that's gone today. 

When I feel good I want to do a dozen things but seldom get more than one thing done if that. The pain is usually what stops me. I want to water my plants, do my laundry, do Jazz's hair, clean the living room, my room and the kitchen. In reality, I'll probably just water the plants, clean a little everywhere and do Jazz's hair. BUT I haven't even wanted to do anything in Ages, so this is good. 😁

Heartache

The pain of losing Jessalynn just doesn't lessen. My heart aches unbearably still, it feels like I can't breathe sometimes. I still run through it all over and over in my head all the time. It is as acute as any loss I have ever felt. Irreparable.  Like death of a loved one. Maybe worse. Death loss fades more with time. You can believe they are in a better place or still with you. This is just a gaping void. 

The only positive I see is that I cant possibly live much longer. We'll,  and there is that my favorite grandchild. Jenise would Never tell me I was doing Anything disgusting no matter what.  

Then this pain will end unless I go to hell. 

Hell would be an eternity of This.