Heart incident

I kept feeling like I needed a metoprolol but every time I got up to take one I got sidetracked.  Jazz had an sppt at 315. While waiting I checked my pulse.  Was skipping every third or so beat. Discomfort, some chest pain. Made it home, took meds, feel better but very very tired.

Zoo with Jeremy Kira Riley

Already 4:00 when we got here but at least we are here, Out Of The House.  I wish Jazz would have come!! Maybe next time.

I'm sitting. Can't walk today. Dr. Gold gave me an injection in my left knee Thursday. Felt better for a little bit. Maybe it's still better, just not very good. 

I told Dr. Gold that I have been depressed feeling like i am losing my independence.  He simply said "You definitely are" in that "accept this" tone he has. 

Harsh acceptance.  

I'm just realizing what arthritis means for me. I've known I was diagnosed with it and somehow thought it was an annoyance I would have to deal with. 

When it Really Hit recently I was stunned at how Very painful it is!! Every joint in my body started screaming, not just when I move but even waking me all through the night.

Again. Adjusting to my New Reality.

It is a Beautiful Day.  Sunny with a cool breeze.

I'm alone.  Don't know where they are. Wishing I was with them!! when I should just be enjoying that I am out here on this beautiful day. Happy families everywhere. 

I think I could walk over and look at the gorillas, or go in the rain forest. But then they will worry I'm not where they left me.

I think I'm going to let them worry a little. 

I can't just sit here feeling sorry for myself!! 

It will hurt to walk, I could end up in trouble,  unable to get back. 

Someone will help the crippled old lady.

I'm going to see the gorillas 

NEXT DAY

I didnt make it to the gorillas.  I started to walk there but realized it was downhill and I might not make it back up. So I started to head for the Lied Jungle when I saw the leaves moving in some bushes. I crept closer and noticed a group of female peacocks hiding there. I was happy to see some aninals!! I stood there watching them until I noticed Jeremy and the girls walking back.

So. I saw peacocks at the zoo. 🙂

James Frederick Cooper Jr

Jim died 2 days ago. Billy posted that it was a heart attack. Poor Raymond found him dead on Ray's birthday. 

I talked to Jim a week ago. He said he'd been really sick but was recovering. 

Mostly he was wanting to end his year long feud with Jami. I got the message to her right away and she was trying to contact him but sadly they didn't get a chance to talk before he was gone.

Gone. Dead. Passed on. All so final. 

I was in a panic for hours trying to get Jami home, with me, before she found out but it was on Facebook and Lindsey told her right after I talked to her asking her to please come home.

It was still ok, Jami still came here.

Then my own grief hit me. 

Jim could be such an ass hole. Yet he was and wanted to be so much more. The wanting to be, that's what endeared him to people.

Michael took it really hard. I had a hard time telling him. 

I feel the difference in this world without him. In my world without him. 

He was someone who Believed in me. Maybe one of the last.