THE Headache

 It's back. The headache I had with the aneurysm.  Vision seems ok, face numb around eyes.

Obi died 2/22/23 7:45pm

 I am completely heartbroken.  Obi is the only pet I ever had that was 100% mine. I saved her when she was a kitten and then she adopted me. I love her so very much!! Every time I looked at her I was amazed, dazzled, by how beautiful she was and thought how I never dreamed I would have such a beautiful creature. To be fair, Kirk was the first person she let pet her but she chose Me to be hers.  I cried last year when she tested positive for leukemia but I prayed she would fight it off as some do, and then I vowed that whatever life she had left would be the best I could give her. She slept on me or beside me all of the time. I loved the feel of her near me!! When I was sick or upset she always Knew and came to me. 

I held her as she died. Felt her last breath. 

I will never stop loving and missing her. 

Thanksgiving 2 years ago

 I see I wrote about this Thanksgiving,  how happy I was we were invited, was surprised I only mentioned that I got sick and had to go home.

I was sitting at the dining table by Jeremy, dinner was over. Jeanette and David were sitting on the couch across the room. I stood up and Jeremy says my body convulsed before I fell forward. My next memory was laying face down on the floor and that I was peeing. When I raised my head Jenise was there. I said I was nauseous and she grabbed a bowl I threw up in. I told her I had peed, asked her to help me discretely get up. She mopped up as Jeremy helped me up. I was totally disoriented and dizzy. I asked Jeremy if he could get me in the car and he carried me out.

Two things. One, what the hell was that??!

Two, it bothers me, some days I obsess about it, that Jeanette never even got off the couch. I don't understand the total lack of care. Yes, she spent over a year telling everyone she hated me and worse, I still don't understand what either,  but I Always told myself that she loved me. And she talks like she loves me now.  I've spent a lot of time taking care of her the last year, but something is WRONG. She hated Jenise first, that was how I got on it. I know it was about me helping Jenise but still don't understand the hatred that followed. And now I see her with Robby. Well, Not With Robby. None of it makes sense. I want to help but have no clue How. 

Her life is disaster after disaster like the Universe is screaming at her to change course. I can't help because I don't know what change the "Universe" is asking for. If i look over her life I know her spiral started when she and Rob split up, but that isn't necessarily Why it started. Then she met Jon Ways, lost her eye, was indited, and has just been lost. 

I'm so scared for her. Afraid she will just give up. Afraid it's a mental or physical disorder. 

She is so heartbreakingly Lost. 

I'm going to go see her today. 

Pray.