Thanksgiving 2 years ago

 I see I wrote about this Thanksgiving,  how happy I was we were invited, was surprised I only mentioned that I got sick and had to go home.

I was sitting at the dining table by Jeremy, dinner was over. Jeanette and David were sitting on the couch across the room. I stood up and Jeremy says my body convulsed before I fell forward. My next memory was laying face down on the floor and that I was peeing. When I raised my head Jenise was there. I said I was nauseous and she grabbed a bowl I threw up in. I told her I had peed, asked her to help me discretely get up. She mopped up as Jeremy helped me up. I was totally disoriented and dizzy. I asked Jeremy if he could get me in the car and he carried me out.

Two things. One, what the hell was that??!

Two, it bothers me, some days I obsess about it, that Jeanette never even got off the couch. I don't understand the total lack of care. Yes, she spent over a year telling everyone she hated me and worse, I still don't understand what either,  but I Always told myself that she loved me. And she talks like she loves me now.  I've spent a lot of time taking care of her the last year, but something is WRONG. She hated Jenise first, that was how I got on it. I know it was about me helping Jenise but still don't understand the hatred that followed. And now I see her with Robby. Well, Not With Robby. None of it makes sense. I want to help but have no clue How. 

Her life is disaster after disaster like the Universe is screaming at her to change course. I can't help because I don't know what change the "Universe" is asking for. If i look over her life I know her spiral started when she and Rob split up, but that isn't necessarily Why it started. Then she met Jon Ways, lost her eye, was indited, and has just been lost. 

I'm so scared for her. Afraid she will just give up. Afraid it's a mental or physical disorder. 

She is so heartbreakingly Lost. 

I'm going to go see her today. 

Pray.