Saturday

I'm in a foul funk of a mood. Yesterday OTC called and said they won't be hiring Jeremy after all because they found the shoplifting charge in his background check. My head is just spinning with trying to figure out what to do. We can't afford to stay here even if we took in someone to split the bills, definitely can't afford the apartment I wanted, not even sure we can afford to move over where Jami lives. I'm thinking about putting everything in storage and moving to the homeless shelter but I think they will take all of my disability check if we do. Jeremy barely comprehends our situation, I have to explain it to him over and over and listen to him whine about all the things we can't have or do. We got his income tax return and he was dismayed to hear that I plan to fix the car with it but having the car running is a huge priority. To top it all off I am having some kind of back pain crisis that has me laid up so I can barely walk or drive.
I feel like the only grown up who understands what is going and it is a lonely feeling. I feel trapped in this broken body and stuck in a situation I can't do anything about. Helpless. Hate that! Can't shut off my thoughts spinning around and around trying to find a way to survive and not lose everything. How to buy enough food to survive and a place to live. I'd live in the car for a while but it is too cold still to consider. And it's a pretty small car...