We noticed Toggy wasn't acting right Saturday. When he was no better Sunday I started calling emergency vets, of course this happened on a weekend! Jami came and took Jeremy and Tiggy to the vet. They wanted $4000 to hospitalize him for suspected urinary obstruction and we didn't have it and didn't qualify for credit needed so they drained his bladder and sent him home with meds. I really still thought we could save him!! He was given amoxicillin, an antispasmotic for his urethra and pain medication. Just that was $700! Jami chipped in 300 of that which left us about 200 to find fellow up care. He was able to drink, got up a couple of times and drank and drank. He didn't use the box but peed himself in his bed many times so I thought the blockage was fixed and maybe the sedating meds were why he was lethargic and not using his box. He was no better Monday. We started using a kid med tube to give him condensed milk which he seemed to like. I called vets and couldn't find any that could see him before Thursday besides the overpriced vet ER's.
Yesterday morning he was much weaker, he had to struggle to even stand. By noon I was pretty sure he was actively dying. He was breathing slow and shallow and felt stiff, maybe from pain? Jeremy and I spent 2 hours holding and trying to save him. Gave him some pedialyte which picked up his heart rate but at this point I was worried that we were just extending his misery. We decided to give him his last dose of pain meds when we gave up saving him. His pupils were still refracting but I don't think he could see any more. Kira came down and I told her it was time to say good by. She sat and held him a few minutes but couldn't take it so Jeremy took him back and held him while he died. Both of us were crying, crying for our Tiggy and for the pain Kira was in.
I went upstairs to tell Kira he was gone, she knew as soon as she saw me because I never climb those stairs anymore. We sobbed together and then she asked to be alone so I left her.
Jeremy and i still took turns holding him, just couldn't let go yet. He found a box and we gently put Tiggy in arranging him comfortable on a bath towel. I called Jami while Jeremy went to dig a grave. He even built a wood cross with Tiggy carved on it. Then Kira came down and asked if he could be cremated and I readily agreed. Anything to make this easier for her!!
And it did make her feel a Lot better. I called a pet crematorium and made the arrangements and we took him there.
When I was showing Kira a picture of the ash container she saw the process and started crying harder, saying she felt terrible at all the money we were spending trying to save and then cremating Tiggy. I held her tight and assured her that we all believed that Tiggy was worth every penny and for her to never think about that part again!
We are a house of grief.
I am haunted with wondering if I could have done more to save him and wondering if we should have just put him down. I'm sure he suffered these last days even with the pain meds.
I am also ANGRY thinking that maybe if I had that $4,000 to hospitalize him if he would still be here. ANGRY that poverty can decide life and death. ANGRY that there are probably people who have lost people fir the same reason.
I would have gladly paid the $4,000 if I had it. Even if we sold everything we own we wouldn't have $4,000.
If we weren't in a pandemic out of control Jeremy would still be working and we could have saved Tiggy.
We love you Tigger!!
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