Better

 A much better day.  I feel like I woke up today. I know that I have been very ill but barely remember the last week. I'm still a little shaken driving,  I picked up Riley today, and stopped at King Vape, but I had a couple of mistakes that could have been accidents.  I was kind of hungry today and enjoyed dinner, stuffed shells,  no meat,  🙂. My ears are ringing a little and my eyes feel funny but I'm pretty sure that I'm finally starting to feel better.  Maybe good enough that I could make it to see Dr Jeffrey 🤔.

I'm in the back yard and it's 3 am. I was never comfortable in the back,  and even sometimes the front!, yard at the last house.  We are still in North O but most of the time it feels safe here.  No one had been shot on our street!! This is an older neighborhood,  mostly homeowners around our house.  It's nice.  I hope this area stays nice but if it goes downhill the girls can sell it.  I doubt Jess will want to leave here so I hope someone helps her keep this place if she wants it after I'm gone.  She won't be able to handle it on her own even if she gets on disability.  I wouldn't be able to if I didn't have guardianship pay for Jazz and even with that I am really struggling to pay the bills.  It doesn't help that I seem to be chronically running behind and have to set alarms to get anything done. And then too often ignore the alarm or procrastinate until we are flying by the seat of our pants. I believe Jeanette is really going to move in here and that will save us but I feel so stressed worried about how Jess will handle it. Sometimes I feel like i can't breathe. Mostly dealing with Robby.  He can't be acting Neanderthal punching holes in walls,  yelling,  and slamming doors.  Riley loses it,  too, sometimes.  Jess and stress rhyme but do not go together well!!