Yesterday was a black day. It started shortly after taking Jami and Kirk to the Methadone Clinic. Jami was very angry because evidently Jeremy had talked to Kirk about us being so far behind on our bills since they moved in (which we were never even late on before) and she yelled at Kirk for several hours before he left for work. He ran out of the house when it was time to go without even packing drinks for lunch and was almost crying when he got in the car. I tried to sooth him, told him she would likely fall asleep and be over it before he got home and then thanked him like I always do for being there, only half joking, reminding him that she would be going for me during these "spells" if he weren't there for her to take it all out on.
I was worried that I had left Jeremy alone with her but he was going to work in a couple of hours and I hoped I was right about her sleeping because I had several errands to run after taking Kirk to work. I got home around five-thirty and went to my room and was reading a book when Jami came in with that crazed look still and said that she and Jeremy had gotten into it before he left for work. I only grunted a little in response seeing that she was still spoiling for a fight and just wanted her to leave the room so I could call Jeremy at work and make sure she hadn't upset him too badly. But she didn't leave my room. She started telling me how upset she was that Jeremy had talked to Kirk instead of her, that it had somehow hurt her feelings even though Kirk is the one who actually makes the money they contribute here. Then she built up to saying that I had told Jeremy to speak to Kirk because it was my "chicken shit way" of dealing with unpleasant things. I told her I hadn't known about their talk until I took Kirk to work and that it wasn't a big deal, that Jeremy just asked Kirk to try to help a little when he could. The she went on about how we were using them and taking advantage in all kinds of ways and overcharging them for the bills and the gasoline they use. I told her that not only did I compute their mileage to the clinic and back and taking Kirk back and forth to work very carefully but that I never asked them to pay for the trips to the doctor or any other extra gas money they cost us. And she kept on and on insisting I was stealing from them and I finally gave up trying to reason with her or stay cool and told her to Fuck Off, losing my temper with her for the first time after three years of tiptoeing around these "spells." I picked up the phone and was clicking through the caller ID to find Jeremy's work number when she grabbed the phone from me and pulled the base out of the wall and took off down the hall. I went after her demanding the phone and grabbed her by her long braid and she swung around and grabbed me by the hair and forced me to the floor. I was as stunned by her strength (especially considering she does nothing but lay in bed) as I was by how weak I've become since my back injury. She forced me to the floor and had a grip in my hair on both sides of my head yanking it from side to side and slamming each side to the floor like she was trying to snap my neck like you see in the movies. I felt sheer terror for the first time in my life, and I tell you it is a terrible feeling! I finally just went limp and she let go of my hair and started punching me in the back of the head screaming and laughing. When I finally got to my feet I thought it was over but she then punched me in the nose smashing my glasses to smitherines. She took the phone to her room. I wildly looked around for a weapon to defend myself with if she came back but couldn't think of a single thing to use because I was so addled. (NOW I can think of a dozen things I could have grabbed!) I noticed that there was a cordless phone in my room so I went and unplugged the main phone outlet so the phone in her room wouldn't work but the one I had would. I quickly called Jeremy and begged him to get home ASAP. He was here in less than five minutes. Jami tried to tell him I attacked her and went on to say that I had attacked also her out of the blue back when she was pregnant with Joey, too, kicking her in the stomach six times. Jeremy of course didn't believe her and told her to get out of the house even if she had to go to Mc Donalds up the road and wait for someone to get her. She said that she didn't have any money for a payphone so Jeremy handed her the phone and told her to call someone and get out ASAP and meet whoever came outside. We heard a few of her calls, her pitiful story of being attacked by her crazed mother, and finally she got her cousin, Jeff, one of the few people who believe her crap anymore, to pick her up.
I refused to call the police, even today when Jeanette begged me to, not wanting to deal with all the lies she would tell and there were no witnesses. I had threatened to call the police and she told me she would say I attacked her and I asked how she would do that since there wasn't a mark on her? She replied that she would say it was because I was so weak I couldn't hit hard enough to leave a mark, which is a bit laughable with her story of being viciously attacked by me!
Kirk called because Jami had called him at work and he apologized over and over for her and said that no one had even done as much for him as we had, and that he was sure he was going to lose it all now being out on the street again with Jami. I asked him if Jami had said anything about picking him up from work and he said that he was sure she didn't arrange anything for him so we went and picked him up when he got off. I asked him where he wanted to go and he said miserably that he wanted to just go home with us and go to bed but that he loved Jami still and that he always worried that she would do something to hurt herself if he weren't around. He called Jeff and found out that Jami was at her step-mother's sister's home so we dropped him off there. I warned him to not let on that he believed Jami had done anything wrong or that he felt badly for me or she would just go for him and he quickly understood the game he would have to play with her. He mentioned all of the times that she had gone for him and then claimed he had attacked her, several of which I witnessed, so he had no trouble at all picturing what really happened here last night.
Jami called Jess later and told her how she was on the phone and I just went nuts and attacked her and, this with a pitiful sniff, how she hated the thought of striking their own mother but she had had to hit me to stop me.
Jim called tonight to find out what had happened and I told him both versions and he had no trouble, either, figuring out what had really happened. He reminded me of how Jami had attacked his wife and nearly killed her before Jim intervened and then had to fight her himself while she tried to gouge out his eyes with her fingers not long before Jami moved in with me. He said that he had no doubt that she was trying to break my neck and that I was lucky to be alive at my age in my condition. I admitted to him that it was the first time I had ever been actually terrified I was going to die, how even back when I was married to him and he would hit on me, I at least knew he wouldn't kill me. And I had the strength to defend myself.
I hate this ending to the "Help Jami Phase" of my life but so be it. I really had hoped that being off the street drugs would end her crazy spells even though we often heard her yelling at and degrading Kirk since they moved in here. At least she hadn't struck him in the last few months that we know of so I really had hope.
She didn't just look a gift horse in the mouth but kicked its teeth out. I only know of one place they can go stay and it is filthy and stinks and Jami hates it there. I'm fairly sure that is where they will be but I don't even care where they are yet. I might never again.
Kirk called Jeremy today while I was out and said that he had barely made it to work on time, the bus stop isn't too close to where he works, and that he had no way home after work and would we please give him a ride again. Jeremy said OK. I feel very badly for Kirk but I'm not so sure I would have agreed. I am exhausted and extremely sore and it was after midnight last night when we got home from taking him to Council Bluffs. I still have to get up at seven-thirty to get Jessalynn to school in the morning. But this once more. If he loses his job and everything he can blame it on his choice of a woman who will blame it, like everything, on everyone except herself.
It is amazing the spell Jami can cast over the men she can snare into her life. John is the only one I know who really broke free of her. She kidney punched him once in front of her sisters, they were quite young at the time, and then a couple of years later I ws there when she attacked him and tried to push him down a flight of stairs while he was holding a baby Lindsey. I think that is about when John started to get over her. Mikey is still in her grip somewhat and he has been the most unbelievable in his love and defense of her. Jami could lie and he would swear to it all through their marriage, and I'm sure the only reason he finally divorced her was that it became a choice between her and their two daughters when she gave birth to a very drug addicted baby, Michelle. He is still very gentle with her and even thinks about getting back together with her even after going through five years of some of the worst abuse I have ever seen or heard. I would try to tell him things like her drug addiction and about how she always had another man when he had to be out of town and he would just tell Jami what I had said to try to help him, and start a fight between Jami and me, or call me a vicious lying bitch.
Which takes me back to the second to the last time I experienced violence myself with Jami. She was pregnant with Joey and had invited me over while I was babysitting Kunashe. I saw one of her "spells" coming on and secretly called jeanette trying to get her to come get me but she was young and not familiar enough with the city to go get me. I tried to lay low hanging out with Lindsey in her room. I was downstairs and jami had a friend stop over, Carrie, and they were in the kitchen and Jami would come into the living room where I was once in a while saying rude things that I tried to ignore, but I had a lot shorter fuse back then and Jami had no problem being openly hostile with me in front of Mikey bcaue he believed all of her horror stories about how I supposedly didn't raise her. Kunashe was in the playpen when Jami came out of the kitchen and demanded that I leave. I told her I would as soon as possible and she said that wasn't going to be fast enough for her. I walked up to her and got right in her face and said I couldn't leave on foot with Kunashe and she would have to just wait until I could get out of there. Jami put her hand on my chest and pushed me back and as I stumbled back I took a swing at her nose and clipped it. She started screaming that I had attacked her and Mikey jumped between us as she was hitting and kicking me. I tried a couple of time to fight back but Mikey blocked me and held him against him where Jami could hit me in the side of the face until she got tired. I didn't even struggle after a bit and just stood there taking it. (Mikey would later ask me if I remembered how he tried to protect me.) When she quit I ran out of the house and cried for Mikey to bring me Kunashe. He did and gave me a ride to Jeanette's blaming me all the way for the whole thing. A coule of years later I visited them, I just can't get enough abuse, and Jami asked me to explain to Lindsey about why I had struck her mother. I told Lindsey it was a reaction to being pushed and that I shouldn't have and Jami went balistic screaming over and over A "REFLEX?! I said that was what it was and she said that she had never pushed me but that I had attacked her unprevoked and how she had been the one callng Jeanette all day saying there was something wrong with me. I turned to Mikey in disbelief thinking he would by now tell the truth of what happened that night and he told me that he had seen me attack Jami and that I had staggered like I was having a fit or something and that I seemed to black out a minute falling over a chair (actually the result of her pushing me) and then jumping up and attacking Jami like a crazy person. I couldn't believe my ears. (I also didn't know that by this time Mikey was also a drug adict as well as a Jami follower.) Then it went on all night. We went into the kitchen where we would smoke by the stove vent and Jami started accusing me of all kinds of ridiculous, stupid things and saying things like how I never worked while I was married to Steve, and I worked almost the entire time we were married, and she started punching me in the right arm everytime she made a statement and Mike stood there makng sure I didn't strike her back. I don't know how long this went on. Long enough I had a lump on that arm for months. After they went to bed I called Jeremy in Oklahoma and told him what was happening and then called a cab driver friend and arranged for him to pick me up the next morning. After I hung up Mikey came into the room and asked who I had been talking to and I said "Just a friend" and he said that if I was calling anyone and telling them what had happened he would take the phone away from me. I assured him that I hadn't said a word about what had happened and he went on to bed, likely taking a little more Oxyontin. The next morning I had my stuff together and out front when they got up. They came outside and I don't know what they were thinking about doing or saying but my friend, Rex, who is HUGE, pulled up in his cadillac and got out with a big gun in his hand and loaded my stuff into the trunk and we left.
But that wasn't enough for me either. I went and stayed in Oklahoma with Jeremy and his horrible mother for a few months and almost died there from a ruptured appendix. I called Jami when I got out of the hospital and told her how I had almost died and how terrible it was staying with Jeremy's mother. She was all full of sympathy and told me she would take care of me and had Mikey drive to Oklahoma to get me. Jeremy, thank God, insisted on coming with me even though I begged him not to, that I would get back with him later. We were at jami's for three weeks. She took me everywhere with her leaving Jeremy at the house with Mikey, which he hated. I had told her that Jeremy had a marijuanna addiction at the time before we got there and she said not to worry about that, either, that she would easily take care of that. Jami took me and introduced me to all of her drug friends and explained to me how Mikey was "cool" now with her doing Meth and her friends backed her up on this. After three weeks she got some weed for Jeremy and told him to hide it in the pocket of a dress I had hanging in the closet in the room we were using. The next day was a weekend and Mikey found out that his income tax return ws in but that it would cost him a hundred dollars of it to get it before Monday. Jami went nuts and screamed at him and threw pots of hot food at him until he went and got the money. She then went and got some crank. That night I was in the bathroom and had a terrible pain in my side and asked Jami to call an ambulance. I was rushed to the hospital where they said my gal bladder had to come out. It was one month since my appendix had ruptured. They brought Jeremy to the hospital and he stayed there with me all that day and then went to their house for the night. He called me after they got there telling me that Jami was screaming at him and that they were both telling him that he had to go since he wasn't family. Then to press her point home, Jami went into the closet and "discovered" Jeremy's weed and showed it to Mikey like she hadn't known about it. (MIke did Oxycintin and condoned smoking and shooting up crank but had a thing against Marijuana. Go figure.) They brought Jeremy to the hospital and never came back although I was there for another two weeks because I had liver failure from a drug allergy and almost died again after getting several blood transfusions. I tried to call Jami but Mikey always said she wasn't there and I would ask if we could just have our clothes from their house. Then they just quit answering the phone. I left the hospital in the snow wearing a hospital gown. We found shelter at a Ronald McDonald like place for the night but had to be out by the next day. I called Jeanette and asked her to drive me to Jessica's to see if we could spend the night there. She said she would ask her boyfriend and Jeanette took Jeremy and me out to eat. Jami had picked up Jess by the time we got back to Jess's house and left a note saying that she was taking Jess tanning and would be right back. It was getting late so I told Jeanette to leave us and we would wait on the porch for Jess. It was eight degrees and I was still in a hospital gown and Jeremy had only a light jacket that he tried to wrap us both in. We waited for over two hours and I finally saw a neighbor out and asked to use the phone. I called Jeanette and she called out to Jami's and told me that it ws all a big joke. That they were all over there laughing about us waiting in the cold. I tried to call there several times and got no answer so I left Mikey a message that I was calling his comanding officer if he didn't pick up. The next time I called Mikey answered and said that he was outraged at my accusations, so outraged that he was calling from outside so as to not disturb his children, and that Jami wasn't there but was broke down out of town with her step-brother Raymond. But jeanette ws definitely telling the truth ~ they were all there. She came and got us and took us to I Hop and I called Mom and told her what was going on. Mom already knew about Jami refusing to even bring us our clothes and, after hearing about what was now going on, she called my oldest brother and demanded he do something immediately. He called Mikey, who told him a story about how crazy I was and how afraid he was of me, but my brother insisted for Mom and Mikey showed up shortly after and lead us to a hotel where he paid for the night saying he would bring us our stuff the next morning. Mom had arranged for us to take the bus to her in Houston. The next day there was no answer all day at Jami's again and we had missed the bus when Mikey finally answered. He said Jami had been so upset she hadn't been able to gather our things without Carrie's help and that he would bring it that evening and pay another night on the hotel. He did show up the next day and when he was leaving I called down over the railing that he was killing my grandchildren covering up for Jami's meth use all of the time. He yelled back at me NO I'm not!!! I'm their savior!!! Yea. Maybe now, but definitely not then! All of Jeremy's stuff was there but anything of value of mine wasn't. (Two years later someone would offer to sell me my by then worthless laptop for twenty dollars.) I had viral pneumonia by the time we got to Houston after the freezing night on Jess's porch and my mother caught it taking care of me and died from it. Jami came when my mother died but didn't say a single word to me and threatened Jess and Jim, who were with her, if they spoke to me. Jess and I stared at each other over Mom's grave speaking with our eyes. She had been too easily influenced by Jami for too long and had realized it by then and has never believed Jami's stories since. Jim defied Jami and called me the next day to offer me condolances on losing my mother. After two years of peace living in Texas with Jeremy, Jami called and said that she was pregnant and strung out and needed me to return to Omaha. Jeremy and I left everything we owned, Jami assured us that Mikey would take us back to get our things after the baby was born, and we took a bus to Omaha. We got here right after Michelle Rose was born. Two days later a sherriff called from the hospital saying he was on his way over to the house and for Jami and Mikey to be there. Jami did some fast talking and told me that both of them were strung out on Oxzycontin, had been for three years, and they had both just done one before they got the call. (She swore that she hadn't been doing Meth but it turned out that Michelle was born with so much meth in her system that they said it would be two weeks before she even started going into withdrawal.) Jeremy and I tried to clean their filthy house before the police arrived but it was pretty hopeless. They said that they were not only holding Michelle but that they were there to take Llindsey and Joey, too, ticketing them for child neglect over the dirty house. Mikey finally started to see the light and threw Jami out that night so he could try to get the kids back. Jami went, of course, to cousin Jeff's and sank deeper into the world of drugs until I got my disability settlement and found her and put her in a hotel until I could rent Kirk and her an apartment. Mikey was never caught for his drug use, the Air Force knew but did a cover up for him, and he was given ten days to gut and clean the house to get Joey back. Lindsey's father had picked her up the second day the kids were in foster care and Michelle was in special drug withdrawal care for some time yet. Jeremy and I went and helped every day with the cleaning of the house and we found at least a hundred syringes hidden throughout the house. Mikey did a lot of lying through his teeth but did manage to get his kids back. Jeremy and I were totally helpless to do anything because Jami and Mikey had made sure over the years to tell Mikey's commanding officer and anyone else who would listen that I was crazy. And we never got back to Texas to get our belongings. Jessica and Patrick took us in until I got my disability and we've been here ever since.
So how did I end up whre I am today??? Jami and Kirk lost the apartment we got them, Kirk got his ribs broke by someone who came across them fighting and thought Kirk was the aggressor so Kirk ended up losing the job Jeremy had got him, and they started going to the Methadone Clinic because they were no longer able to get Heroin, the drug of choice by this time, and they ended up in a homeless shelter because they had burned every bridge and no one would take them in. Kirk was arrested for probation violation shortly after and Jami stayed on in the shelter until she found out she was pregnant. She left the shelter to go live with a strange guy named Jeff only to call me a couple of days later saying he was treating her terrible and I went and got her, and Kirk came here when he got out of jail and they were here until yesterday.
Ever since we came her after Michelle's birth I have managed to never argue with Jami about anything. I ignored her baiting and maybe was silent sometimes but was careful to never disagree with her. I just knew it wasn't worth it. My mother's dying words were to never help Jami again, which I didn't abide by, but I did my best to at least never fight or argue with her about anything. That lasted for three years with our only close call a couple of weks ago when Jami said something about geting custody of Lindsey and I said I thought she had decided it was too much for her since she hadn't done anything about it. She got angry at me asking when had she ever implied that she didn't want Lindsey (I think when she didn't even begin to fight for her) and turned it on me for not reminding her to do it. I apologized for not understanding and it was dropped.
Of course, although I know things aren't very good for Lindsey with her step-mother, I would hate to see what would happen if Jami got her back. I'll never forget a scene I witnessed in the hospital cafeteria where Michelle was born. Jami was cussing and yelling at Lindsey for something trivial, I don't even remember what, but I remember Lindsey nervously looking around at all the people staring and Jami yelling at her that she didn't give a shit if she was embarrassing her and that no one was going to help her. Jeremy and I both relive that moment over and over wishing we had stepped in for Lindsey but we were both just shocked at the viciousness of Jami's attack and how easy it was to see that it wasn't an unusual occurance in Lindsey's life.
And that is just a tiny reason I would hate to see Jami get Lindsey back. Lindsey suffered terribly throughout her mother's addiction and Mikey's defense of it all. When her father took her she asked me to confiscate her diary from her room and said that I could read it but to show it to no one.
Her life had been torture since Jami married Mikey to get custody of Lindsey back from me...
I really hope that I am really done with Jami now. Maybe it is time to take my mother's sound advice.
I hope I can.
