LOSS

 Surely I have not been through any more loss than any one else my age.  Maybe I just really struggle with dealing with Loss. 

My Aunt Johnny started it.  Then my father,  that was a huge one in so many ways! Then my first "crush",  My niece, Linda,  and really her mother,  Terry,  who became Terri after her coma, and was Never Terry again. Then Herbert.  That one almost literal killed me.  I came a hair from following him to the grave.  Jami's best friend,  Sara. Then a string of losses that weren't deaths. Loss of The Church when we found out Oran had stolen All of our daughters innocence.  Another one that almost killed all of us.  It ultimately killed my marriage to Steve even tho we struggled together another 15 miserable years trying Not To Be a statistic.  Losing Jami to addiction.  Huge. Still dealing with That one.  Lost Lindsey when she was only 6 years old to Jami and Mikey and then John,  which ultimately destroyed her.  That one was another that I didn't know if I could survive it.  Losing Steve for real in 2001 that again,  almost killed me,  not only because he was systematically poisoning me,  but I just really actually thought marriage was "till death so us part". I lost my mind for a long time after that one.