UTI

 I need a break.  99.9% sure about the UTI, and severe thrush, bad combo!  antibiotics will make the thrush much worse,  impossible to cure until the antibiotics are done.  And I have so many things that I need to get done!! I still haven't finished the deck,  the garden bed needs attention, and a lot of little jobs inside the house like fixing door hinges, some painting,  hanging kitchen curtains,  fixing Jess's bed where that screw sticks out and cuts her leg all the time - that one should commit first!! Plus I have clothes to repair/alter for people and I'm making Jenise a nursing drape - I hope to have time to embroider that!! 

Weird, it occurred to me a couple of days ago that I really could die any time,  might not even make it thru the list! with brain bleed problems,  "fatty liver", lower heart issues,  COPD, and a high chance of colon cancer it's actually surprising that I am even alive today! I know all of these these things,  but the last few days it's actually been a FEAR. Paranoia. Anxiety. Panic attacks.  and then a little bit of feeling like there must be reason that I'm still here.  I'm not finished.  I need to be here for Elliot's first year at least.  I don't know why else.  Maybe time to get my household in order to survive without me.  Maybe my family still needs me.  

I went to get some green onions out of my garden for Jess and threw up over the edge of the deck.  I guess I'm not going to get anything done on that list today....

Being old and sick sucks. I need to do laundry,  wash my "Everything Hurts and I'm Dying" shirt.  I should be wearing it every day. 

Oh and I have been in severe pain since the football game.  The left side of my back.  I don't really understand - I really didn't think I was very hurt from sitting in the bleachers this time.  OH OH OH - I have a UTI!! That pain could be a kidneyhurting!!! ?????