I did try to have the talk with Robby. I told him that there was No Way he could be in the right to fight with his mom because she really does not have to put up with it. That he is almost 20 years old and his mom shouldn't be supporting him when all he does is play video games. He started with the Everyone Treats Riley differently and I said Of course we do! you guys are different people and Riley is 2 years younger. I said everything that everyone has been saying about his situation and tried every way I could think of to make him hear me. But he really didn't. I could see him shutting me out, I could see him working hard to keep a neutral face, and then he said, I don't know what to say that you would understand, and I said, No, you know that I WOULD understand, and then that I would tell you that you are wrong, and Part of you KNOWS that you are wrong! so you don't say it out loud. I told him that he had to go back home and make things right with his mom. That there is No Excuse for the way he has treated Jeanette and that he needs to learn to at least Act grateful that she still houses him.
Robby might have an undiagnosed mental issue but it all Feels like just a terrible attitude. He acts 100% entitled and really doesn't see that that attitude is groundless. He has No Ability to Feel The Room because he is so wrapped up in his self pity and what he believed is righteous anger. I struggling to even find words to describe his aura. He came here for refuge carrying with him the attitude that His needs should come first. Example. We told him that he had to keep his dog with him at all times here and when Lucky tried to go into Jess's room and Nova snapped at her Robby said that Jess needed to put up a gate to contain her dog! That is a clear little example of his thinking. He had the nerve to go through Jami's things, and not only helped himself, but judged the things she had. Wrong words. Ok. He brought several cans of cat food upstairs that he found in her room and said, 'Look at what Jami has hidden in he room!' I said, 'What? She buys those for her cat!' He said, 'No, these were definitely hidden in her room!' I again said, 'SHE BUYS THOSE! She has No Reason to hide them - THOSE ARE HERS!' Yet he Insisted that she was doing something wrong with them and he Would Not back down. I just told him to stop going through her things and I had to run to the store and Jess told me that he went right back down there as soon as I left! WTF??? And he was helping himself to things. Jess saw him carrying something upstairs and he hunched over whatever it was and turned away from her trying to sneak it past her and hid it in his things. WTF?? I don't think he even understood that he was STEALING from Jami. Yes. Lindsey looked through Jami's things and took things that were hers, and a few things that she found out were not her things, and Lindsey brought those things back. Lindsey clearly didn't feel entitled to Jami's belongings and she is Jami's daughter who Might rightfully feel like he mom owes her something. Jami doesn't owe Robby a damn thing! No One does. Not even his mother. And that is a really the tough one for Robby to grasp. Yes. Jeanette, like ALL moms, has made mistakes. But Robby's current situation is the result of His Own mistakes. HE chose to stop going to school. HE chose to sit there not working in the YEARS since then. I had thought for a while the he has to feel something, like at least feel left behind, when the younger little girls in the family passed him up working and buying nice cars. I was prepared to try to make him feel better about that, make him see the he could still 'catch up' if he started behaving properly with his mom so she could continue to help him while he got his shit together. But I had that all wrong. He doesn't really feel left behind by the girls working harder for their futures. He seems to think that the girls just had more help than he did. I don't think at that Robby even believes that Jazz and Kira saved and bought their own cars. He didn't Say It but I really think he believes that I secretly helped them. Kind of like how it has seemed like Robby has just been sure that I have a lot of money the he is entitled to and not being given his Fair Share of. I bought them all computers when we got the settlements. I had to exchange some of them including his. At the time Robby told me not to replace his, the he really would rather have $200 for a new bed. I sent him the money. He still feels like I owe him a PC. It has come up several times in different ways. WTF. I say that about So Many situations wit him! W T F. I do have a deep feeling of pity for him, mostly that he if So Lost in SELF pity that he has crippled himself.
Again. There could be a mental issue behind a lot of this. Jeanette took him to Dr Jeffrey to try an antidepressant because he is definitely depressed. But a lot of his depression springs from his strange attitude about his life. Where does That come from?? He should be in therapy but I doubt he even takes the antidepressant. Jeanette did put him in therapy a few years ago but he didn't like it, didn't want to do it, which makes it hard to make progress. And I haven't met many therapists who are any good. Who seem to really be trying to help instead of just getting a pay check. Who seem to care. I spent years in therapy after Steve left to buy cigarettes ant the only one who stands out was a meditation therapist. Not because she was so good but because what she was teaching was so valuable to me. Robby needs one with some skill to rewire the way he is looking at his life in this world. Anthem hehe needs it foot all of us. Robby has become a dark cloud in the family. The bad energy surrounding him is suffocating him and everyone around him. It is a little terrifying.
I have been working on writing this for days hoping that figuring out how to write it will give me a clue to how to help him. Maybe.
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