Morning

I'm still having nightmares. I am not vomiting in them anymore, thank God! but they are still about the family that has kicked me to the curb. Terrible, heart wrenching nightmares where they are all reviling and beating me for things I didn't do or didn't mean to do. My dear brother Mike is always the ringleader and EVERYONE is his follower. Last night I dreamed Jess was getting married and all of this went on at her wedding. I have to figure out how to purge them all from my sleep. I've tried hating them back, forgiving them, and just forgetting them not only did none of them work but I think trying to forget them just made them more active in my subconscious mind. Even my grandmother was in this one and she was dead years before it all started! My dead relatives are the only ones I feel close to at all because I like to think we become more all knowing in death and that they are the only ones besides me who know the truth.

Today I go to bail Kirk out of jail and begin a new phase in this saga with my Jami. I pray this is the right choice to make at this time. Will Kirk save her or will he go down with her?? There is always the story of the man who bought a canary to teach his sparrow to sing. Yep, the canary started chirping.