Saturday 1 am

I went to Jami's this evening and when I got there she was sitting at the kitchen table with two guys and they each had a spoon in front of them full of goo that they were stirring with the back end of a syringe all casual like a dysfunctional family at dinner. I can't take this. I know Jami's habit has swung out of control again with Kirk in jail and people giving her pity drugs. Plus I think I might have helped fill that spoon by giving her money to go to the dentist today which she didn't do. I don't know about that, she might still have that money. From the looks of the multicolored bruise on her neck where she shoots up I would say she has been going at it pretty heavy ever since Kirk went to jail. So. Tomorrow I am bonding Kirk out of jail. I wish I had another idea especially one that didn't cost me $750. but I don't. If I could commit her to a drug treatment place I would but I have failed in that every time I have tried. I got Adult Protective Services to go to pick her up once when she was strung out on Meth and they called me later and said that they couldn't pick her up because she told them at the door that she was coming down off of a crank binge and had just taken four valium to sleep and would they please leave and they explained to me that they couldn't take her in unwillingly unless she was incoherent. Go figure. If Kirk gets out then she will move back to Omaha with him and get way from the Council Bluffs junkies and have to think about things like paying rent and surviving again. Alone she gets too much of a free ride still being a very pretty woman if you look past the signs of drug abuse. I can't stand to see her going down the tube like this again. Before Kirk went in they were trying to get off drugs and had their habit down to $25. a day between them, which is still $750. a month! but it was better than what I am seeing now.

I hate that I live in a world where I know and see the things I do in my every day life. I hate that every junkie for miles knows me by name. I miss the clean, oblivious world I once lived in what feels like a hundred years ago. I miss my daughter who was going to rule the world someday. I'm fighting to have her and my world sane again.

I have to sleep now. Don't want any more of this day. It officially ended an hour and a half ago anyhow. Good night.