It is very nice to have Jeremy home from work for his weekend. I knew I would miss him when he started working after all this time together but I've been surprised by how much. I have weird moments where I don't really believe he isn't here or feel almost frightened that he isn't here.
We didn't get to do much yesterday because I was not feeling too great, had that stomach pain again, and I've had the hardest time waking up lately. I've lost count of how may times I've fallen asleep with a cigarette in my hand. Not a good thing! That reminds me, it is time to quit again...
I have to manage to see Jami at some point today. I get upset because they don't take care of themselves yet hate to think of Jami with nothing. Or Kirk. They live such miserable lives slaves to opiates. Most of the time they look miserable even though Jami always tries to be smiling and stuff when I see her. Kirk has one of the worst cases of total lack of self esteem I've ever seen. He is so ashamed of his life but can't seem to break free from the things holding him back, heroin, and his lack of confidence. He would benefit in so many ways from getting a job but lacks the initiative to even get out and find one. Jami and Kirk are aware yet unaware of all of the time passing while they are in Limbo. They are sad at the loss of time but also don't quite get why the world leaves them behind.
I hope to take Jeremy to Walmart today since that is one of the few things he wants to do with his days off this week. It will be hard to keep up with what we both want out of his days off. He will likely want to do stuff and I just want to enjoy that I don't have to do anything. There is a place where our twenty year age difference gets in the way.