When did I start seeing my mom as a person and not just as my mother. I remember a very small beginning on the farm, a flash of insight, quickly gone.
Now I'm pretty sure I have only scratched the surface of who she was. I feel great shame for the years I couldn't/wouldn't? See her.
A lot of even my memory of her as a mother is very, very, muddled. My brothers perception has been at war with mine since Daddy died.
I remember a horrible recording someone made of a fight between her and my brothers. A screaming fight that turned physical. It may have actually started between my brothers, yes, I think it did, and Nom jumped in to help Herbert hitting Mike over the head with a frying pan. Mike had Herb pinned in the bathtub and after Mon hit Mike he grabbed her and pushed her into the tub with Herbert. Then there is an anguished scream from me and the tape abruptly ended.
My anguished cry was "Mamma!!"
That tape, that cry, haunts me to this day.
Now I'm pretty sure I have only scratched the surface of who she was. I feel great shame for the years I couldn't/wouldn't? See her.
A lot of even my memory of her as a mother is very, very, muddled. My brothers perception has been at war with mine since Daddy died.
I remember a horrible recording someone made of a fight between her and my brothers. A screaming fight that turned physical. It may have actually started between my brothers, yes, I think it did, and Nom jumped in to help Herbert hitting Mike over the head with a frying pan. Mike had Herb pinned in the bathtub and after Mon hit Mike he grabbed her and pushed her into the tub with Herbert. Then there is an anguished scream from me and the tape abruptly ended.
My anguished cry was "Mamma!!"
That tape, that cry, haunts me to this day.
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