My Brother Michael II

My brother is dying. I don't say that believing it, I say what THEY say and what could possibly be happening.

Mike called me yesterday and told me he was doing an enema while standing up and slipped and fell and believed he had punctured his colon. I of course demanded that he go to a hospital ASAP. We talked as he and Terry drove to the ER and then have spoken regularly throughout this ordeal. He had a 4 point laparoscopic surgery not long after being admitted but then was told that he is still dying. That a tiny bit of fecal matter morphed into a flesh eating bacteria that is killing him. They are talking very extreme measures to try to save him such as removing ALL of the already affected organs. 

I want to be there with him so very very much!!!!!!

It reminds me of when my father had his first heart attack in Cape Cod. Mom was afraid that if she flew there to be with him that he would decide that he was dying, that he wouldn't fight to survive to make it home. No, I don't think that the case with Mike and me at all, it just comes to mind now and, by the way, Dad did survive to come home but then died a few days later in a Houston hospital.

This is not that. 

This is about the crime against life that we haven't seen each other in almost 20 years and didn't even speak for most of those. He is talking about that, deeply apologized for it with heartbreaking sincerity and regret. 

I see no way to travel to Texas now. Not only are both of us totally financially incapable I also don't know if I can or should travel so soon after my brain surgery. 

I am so With Him in spirit that I am barely here at home right now. Voices around me are like the noise of adults in old Charlie Brown cartoons. 

I have no clue if I can or will survive if I lose him. Even the years he shut me out he remained the very center of my heart and life. I have never existed in a world he wasn't present in.

Oh Michael.