I really cant grasp this whole thing. Its sitting like a rock too big and heavy to lift, we can just roll it around and peek under the edges trying to figure out what the hell it is.
I never dreamed this thing with Nett would last this long or go this far. It was like some kind of temporary insanity that's become permanent. All my theories on what caused it or what could fix it have proven to be meaningless or just wrong.
The day Jenise sent me copies of Jeanettes post about seeing me at Walmart hit me hard. Not just because of the hateful things she wrote, but because there was some part of me that believed still that if Jeanette actually SAW me or even heard my voice that she would remember who I am. What I have been for her and her children.
Awfully big headed of me, I know, but also just being a mother. In my defence, I have seen children who were severely abused by a parent who could talk about the abuse and see it for what it was yet be overwhelmed with love for that parent when confronted with them. No, I am not saying Jeanette was ever abused by Steve or me, just making a point. I really thought that she broke all communication with me because she couldnt keep up her lies face to face.
The truth might be that she doesnt think she is lying about anything. That's hard to believe, like her saying she never left her kids with ne to be with John Ways, but I JBIE she believes that because I have confronted her her about it. Like her equally ludicrous claim that she has taken care of me. She really believes these things. So very likely she believes the things she now says about Jenise, me, and everything that has happened lately. She does waver over whose fault this mess is between Jenisr and me, but in no way can she consider that She could be the problem.
That's terrifying. For everyone involved.
I never dreamed this thing with Nett would last this long or go this far. It was like some kind of temporary insanity that's become permanent. All my theories on what caused it or what could fix it have proven to be meaningless or just wrong.
The day Jenise sent me copies of Jeanettes post about seeing me at Walmart hit me hard. Not just because of the hateful things she wrote, but because there was some part of me that believed still that if Jeanette actually SAW me or even heard my voice that she would remember who I am. What I have been for her and her children.
Awfully big headed of me, I know, but also just being a mother. In my defence, I have seen children who were severely abused by a parent who could talk about the abuse and see it for what it was yet be overwhelmed with love for that parent when confronted with them. No, I am not saying Jeanette was ever abused by Steve or me, just making a point. I really thought that she broke all communication with me because she couldnt keep up her lies face to face.
The truth might be that she doesnt think she is lying about anything. That's hard to believe, like her saying she never left her kids with ne to be with John Ways, but I JBIE she believes that because I have confronted her her about it. Like her equally ludicrous claim that she has taken care of me. She really believes these things. So very likely she believes the things she now says about Jenise, me, and everything that has happened lately. She does waver over whose fault this mess is between Jenisr and me, but in no way can she consider that She could be the problem.
That's terrifying. For everyone involved.
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