Jess after Jeremy

 Here's another one who I will think I have figured her out and then realize I know nothing.  I know she got some very delusional thinking when she was using much like Jami has that I found out is sadly true about a lot of drug addicts. They can create and believe"facts" about their family that help them explain to themselves how they ended up and addict etc. Jess got to where I think she questioned her version but maybe she just stopped voicing it.  When Jeremy and I started arguing loudly she told me with sincere tears in her eyes that it gave her flashbacks to Steve and me fighting all the time.  I told Nett and Jami thinking maybe I was the one who didn't remember but both were shocked. It just wasn't like that.  Yes, we fought bitterly at the end but the kids were out of the house.  Growing up Nett and Jami remember one night of arguing loudly.  I yell a lot but Steve? He barely yells if he's on fire.  It was NOTHING like living with Jeremy.  

Then last night I tried to talk to Jess,  I made a little self deprecating joke and smiled as I did meaning to show that I saw the humor,  that I could and did laugh at myself,  and she looked all concerned,  spoke in the gentle tone for dealing with crazy people and asked, "Why are you smiling like that? You're scaring me"

Granted, I'm drowning in 50 shaded of sorrow, I couldn't see my face,  the smile likely looked as forced as it was, I think anyone else would have seen it as an effort,  not as a sign of insanity. That and the triggered flashback are Very Concerning. She really is of her rocker sometimes. Usually she is a cute,  childlike nutty, but I can't stand the acting like she is actually the only Sane one. Even when I am crazy blowing up and freaking out I can make a phone call without having a panic attack.  I double check my reality with others experiencing it to make sure I am on track.  We are all crazy in some way,  that's why we were instructed not to throw the first stone and to worry about the moat in our own eye. Unbelievable how many go through life without even knowing what those 2 things mean.