Ok, that was pretty bitter!

 Still here.  Got to find My way out of this Bitterness.  I HATE feeling bitter!! This will end even if it takes clearing My Home to make it end.  So much bullshit. Fake smiling Jess. How did I ever decide she was Beautiful?? I just Wanted to believe it so very much!! When she stopped the meth and started acting Nice.  I was just so thrilled that it was over I never really thought about the fact that she never even acknowledged that she was So Hateful and Blaming.  I just wanted to be happy that it was over.  Jami pointed out her influence over Jlynn and Brandon.  Jess,  always pointing out the Bright Side of every one.  She must be an angel, right?? And the sand fell from her eyes.  

I'm looking at this situation.  How to fix it ot at least make it better.  I ordered a 'hidden microphone'. I want to know.  Yes,  eavesdropping never hear any thing good.  I feel the hush when I walk in a room,  especially if it's Kira and Jess talking.  I need to decide.  

Do I keep pretending that I don't know how much they hate me?? No. So I get rid of them and fill this house with Loving Family??  What will become of them?? I do think Jess, like Jeremy,  is far more capable of surviving on her own than either know.   If she's not on drugs she could probably keep up with a housing application.  At least I won't be there to blame if she can't.  And they could get Jeremy to come back and take care of them if they wanted.  Surely they could figure out how to pay bills and survive.  

I am hating this life.  It was supposed to Set Me Free if I could ever get Jeremy to leave!!! 

My anger at them doesn't help,  I know.  But What is Anger?? They hurt me.  When I tried a while back to get Jess to help with the J & B situation she teared up and said,  "But Jessalynn is my daughter!" And,  mind you,  I wasn't even thinking any thing bad about Jlynn!! But what no one will ever hear from her no matter how I am treated evidently is "But that is my Mom!" Yes,  bitterness.  

When they are gone,  will I let it go?? Will I revert to worrying about if they are OK, regret casting them out?? 

I always say EVERYONE SHOULD FEEL SAFE IN THEIR OWN HOME.  None of us have been able to feel 'safe' with Jeremy in the house.  His rages, temper,  and carelessness endanger him and everyone around him.  He is the main reason I was saying that for years.  He is finally gone.  I DO NOT feel'safe' with what he left behind.  Independence Day, "Peace. No peace".