Don't Bring Me Down

 I hereby Kick the Hantivirus ass!! I'm not well, pretty far from it! BUT I AM ALIVE.  I should not be.  

Yes. This life right now is miserable.  I can make it out to my garden but then just sit and watch it dying.  But,  I am not dying.  I might even be here next year to try another garden 😄. 

Jeremy was over the top when he heard.  He actually called instead of texting, funny,  when I can barely talk!! But he was ready to jump in his car and come help. I begged him no.  Then he tried to send money.  Crazy man. I was glad we talked,  I was still unsure if I would survive another day,  and we had things to talk and cry about together.  He is the only one who knows our love story before I decided to return to Nebraska to help my "family". He knew what they were like,  not just from what I told him, but he Saw It when Jami and Jess came for Mom's funeral and didn't say a word to me.  He begged me not to go and then refused to let me go without him and that was really the end of us.  I don't know if I really saved any of them but it almost killed Jeremy.  

No. I don't want him back here.  I want him Happy where he is.  

I can live or die here without him.  Funny,  I told him everyone was helping take care of me (which he did not believe) but really,  except for a few visits from my very pregnant Jenise,  no one has visited.  Even the people who live in my house really don't SEE me.  Maybe I live to spite them all?? No,  I live for the few I really matter to.  Jeanette's amazing children,  and more distantly, my daughters and other grandchildren, including Shyloni. Jenise and Riley alone could keep me alive thru Ebola!!! I believe Robby is in there,  too.  I just don't get to see him much.  

"Don't Bring Me Down" by ELO, my song with Leonae until she died.