The girls in Lincoln

 The girls are in Lincoln for a few days,  I believe to help them move. The house feels STILL with them gone.  With Dave and Jami sleeping days it feels like is just Jess and me here but,  weird,  the house doesn't feel empty so much as Still. Like it's holding it's breath waiting for them to come back.  

I will like Not having to chauffeur then around.  I don't mind Jazz so much but Kira, with her "it's your OBLIGATION to drive me to work" BS is just insane.  So Much of this generation has no clue what gratitude is!!! Or obligation for that matter.  I will be relieved to be thru with them but then I will also probably be dead,  no time left to live my own life.  It was always going to happen Some Day. I used to pray every night to live until my daughters were 18. Just let me live to raise them!! and extra time to do some things that I couldn't do while raising children would just be a cherry on top. Then I chose to help raise the grandchildren.  I actually had some idea that if I could just get Jessalynn thru both school and college it would at least show the younger ones the way and maybe she would even help them.  (I'm a comedian) Then I adopted Kira and took guardianship of Jasmine. Choices I made, don't regret! but that cherry on top was pushed back so far I can't see it.  I NEVER expected to make it this long!, was always making Plan B plans for if I died before they were raised.  And whadya know,  her I am greedily hoping to at least see the beginning of Eliot's life!! But,  Oh!! Those days sister-in-law Judy and I used to talk about,  when we would just be sitting on our porch in our rocking chair passing a joint!! But not only am I allergic to THC but Judy is dead and I will see her soon.  I wonder if she made it to her porch before she died?? I'm pretty sure I won't.  I could have Elliot and my porch if I live long enough. At least I (dear God) won't be raising my great grandson. 

But I have to keep on for Jazz and Kira right now. They should at least be driving by next fall.  If they don't have cars they can have mine.  Thankful for delivery services!! Jeanette and Jenise will get the boys through.  

Jazz and Kira, please. Maybe my rocking chair.  My cherry on top.  

Maybe. 

I worry the world will go to shit before the grandchildren's lives are over.  War, the grid going down,  things I have tried to plan for in my head but absolutely won't be here to guide them thru.  They will survive or they will join me in whatever comes next.  I'll be outa here.