Unbelievable

 It was 50 degrees yesterday and it is supposed to be 50 again today! I thought we were supposed to have a harsh winter?! The predictions now are that we are already done with single digit days! It is supposed to get up to an average of 30 degrees or more until March and then the warm up begins.  

I really dislike winter in my old age.  No more building snow forts or sledding for me so what fun is it? We will probably still see more snow and ice but the single digits and below are the worst.  It's funny that there are plants that actually need the cold.  Lilacs, garlic,  catnip and more I don't know about.  And the cold is definitely good for keeping the crawling things under control.  So far it has kept the fires ants below mid- America.  I don't miss those!!

Jeremy called yesterday.  It is nice to hear him once in a while.  But he says he is So Bored and wants to come visit when he can afford it.  I did the math and I think that would cost him about$100 in gas round trip.  I'm a little surprised that he's bored all of the time even tho he is living in Small Town Oklahoma.  The last years that he was here he never wanted to do Anything.  But he WAS miserable and at least he's not like that any more.  He likes not having the responsibility of this family but I think he just needs to find people his age where he is.  And he needs a good girl friend.  Again,  closer to his age! And he wants to find a job.  Another thing he was never interested in doing here for Years. It will be ok if he does come to visit.  I think Riley would love to see him.  

Ah, my Riley has a new girl.  I really hope this one doesn't crush his heart! Human interactions are really difficult for him.  He wants so very much to trust the people in this world and sadly you just can not most of the time.  He is always surprised when girl friends and friends do him wrong.  It just kills me just to watch it! He is so very loving and I just don't want the world to beat that out of him but I also want him to trust the world a whole lot less.  

When I drive Riley home from school I go past where Jenise lived and it makes my heart hurt that she is gone.  It's a punch in the gut every time plus the guilt of not seeing her more when she was here.  

Lindsey is here.  I do like having her back.  Her life is a mess that she pretty much created but it's pretty harsh karma. She is living with a mother in law that is pretty outrageous in how she treats Lindsey! A very weird jealousy over Jake and tug of war over Annabella.  Still, she is refreshing to be around.  I just pray that she doesn't decide to start being abusive to her mom again.  Lindsey has been hurt the most by Jami but it's really is useless to pay her back for it.  Jami doesn't understand it but it does cut her deeply.  Jami does understand that she might deserve it but it is enough.  It is senseless to keep hurting her.  Bad juju and all of that.  And Lindsey isn't able to do much better with her own children. I don't know if she is any more aware of that than Jami was. Yes. I want to be in Lindsey's life and help her navigate.  And I will always need her.  I need all of them.  I have 6 out of 9, it could be worse! so I am thankful for the 6 I have.  When my girls were growing up I would fervently pray for the return of Jesus,  the end of the world, so they wouldn't feel the pain of growing up in this world.  I have similar feeling about my grand children but I guess I don't pray like that about anything any more.  Sadly it felt like most of my prayers just bounced back at me off the ceiling.  I didn't FEEL them going any where. I think about the story about the little boy who prayed every night for a bicycle and never got one.  When he was asked how he felt that about God never answering his prayer he said "God Did Answer. He just said 'No'". Yes, I've felt like some prayers were answered but I always felt like He only answered the ones He CHOSE TO.  Then I say what is the use of praying? And then I feel guilty.  That whole lack of faith thing.  

*sigh*