Lindsey

 Did I mention that one of my favorite parts of this Christmas was seeing Lindsey? A at least Jeremy wasn't Any Part of that disconnect! and honestly,  I seriously doubt that he could have been. Lindsey would have never been like Jessalynn and Jess were!! I just KNOW that.  No.  The break with Lindsey was all between her and me. And Jami. If it was any one's fault it was mine.  It wasn't about who I believed the meth belonged to at the time. I knew that they both did meth. I was working with who would be hurt the most by the police believing that it was theirs.  Jami would very likely end up with a lot of jail or even prison time.  Lindsey was going to get probation at the worst and,  as I have said before,  I believed that Probation would be good for Lindsey,  her children,  and even Jake.  I felt like I had been helplessly watching Lindsey spin out of control the last year and I thought that Probation, forced drug testing and accountability,  would force her to show down.  She definitely didn't want Jake to believe that she had been doing drugs and I thought that would be a big part of what would make her not slip up on the probation.  BUT since then I believe that I overheard something that makes me believe that the meth in the car that night was Jami's and,  Knowing,  I've been rethinking the whole mess. Would knowing for sure have made me do things any differently? Maybe not overall,  I might still have held the idea Lindsey needed a BIG wake up call like Probation First. I very likely would have. BUT I think I would have tried harder to speak to Lindsey,  tell her in person Why, and I definitely would have told Jami that she needed to thank Lindsey. Like I said at the time,  I could not have made Jami step up and take responsibility even if I knew the meth was hers.  Or then Lindsey. But I definitely could have thanked Lindsey myself.  Lindsey did not take responsibility to save her mom.  She,  understandably!, (no matter whose it was) tried to say that it was her mother's, but she couldn't prove that so I doubt that mattered. I still don't know exactly what happened when Lindsey went to court but I think she was given some kind of Probation.  Neither of us have brought up this conversation since she came back around but I need to sometime,  mostly so I can apologize to her. Not for not knowing/ believing whose meth it was,  not for not being able to make Jami take the blame,  but I owe her an apology for not going to her. Trying to explain in person.  Just Being There for her even if she didn't want me there. For not figuring out how to follow her court case.  I did write in here that I love and miss her knowing that back then she was looking in here.  But,  no way,  no how,  have I apologized to her for not Being There for her.  I owe her that. 

The overheard tidbit.  One of the first times that Lindsey was back over here,  I was in the living room and Lindsey and Jami were in the dining room and,  I didn't hear the conversation, but I heard Lindsey talking about something that she couldn't do and she said something like,  "and thanks a lot for that,  Mom" and then it sounded like Jami was shushing her. That might not be exactly how it went but I know that, standing there, I Knew that the meth in the car was Jami's.  Lots of little things since this began have made me wonder. Jami over explaining Lindsey's involvement with meth.  Jami reaching out to Lindsey.  

Oh gotta go