Forgive.

 I am really trying. When Jami came and took the cord and remote to the TV I wanted to burn her stuff but I did find some forgiveness.  I was planning to put her things outside in a tent today and tell her that she could come get it if she brought the cord and remote back. Then something that she KNOWS is extremely important and precious to me was in with her things.  Herbert's 2 ID's and one of my mother's.  I have looked for those for Years.  This is breaking me.  What kind of person is she???? Do I even know her?? I have said that I lost the Real Jami 40 years ago but I never gave up that the Real Jami was in there.  Maybe if/when she was of of drugs the Real Jami would return.  When I let Jami move back in while Jeremy was moving out, I let her believe that I did it because I needed the support, but it was mostly just to piss Jeremy and his assholes off. She liked feeling like the hero, and there was a truth to what she believed.  Jami would have never stood against me with Jeremy like Jess and her cohorts did. Jami often had had my back and this was a no brainer  because she hates Jeremy.  I hoped "foolishly?) that this would all somehow bring my Jami back.  No. Under that armor she did whatever she wanted here. You name the behavior and it happened. Now THIS.

First I thought about a bonfire during the state burn ban. I thought about the dumpster coming.  I felt terrible things! Things that I knew would damage me more than her and go against everything I believe in.  

Today I am going to put her things outside in a tent over the mess she made trying to build a base for the shed as planned. I don't even care about the TV parts. If she doesn't get it before a storm blows away the tent and everything is ruined, I will ask Jeanette to bring the dumpster back.  That will be my forgiveness.  Forgetting will take much longer.  This feels more cruel then when she broke my neck. More deliberate. More evil.  

We are supposed to Cast Out Evil.