Ill

 ...some kind of infection has me.  Feel terrible. Not surprising.  I haven't lived with this much anxiety and turmoil in a long time.  I so hate this!! 

I know I don't have long to live but I seem to be just occupying space. No purpose. I'm here so my disability comes in and keeps up the household. That's it.  I do close to nothing every day.  Limbo.  Waiting to die,  afraid to die, anxious to die,  it has to be about death because I am no longer living.  

I remember feeling like I had Purpose.  Like I, the person, was needed and accomplishing things.  Now I am nothing.  I am old stories that everyone knows or will never know, the secrets we die with. I'm not going to cure cancer, save the planet or influence anyone in any way.  I am both dying and already dead. 

No wonder I am so alone. 

FOOTNOTE: Ach!! This is so sappy! I must have Really Been Sick!!! Glad I got over whatever this was!!!!!!