I feel like my world has been hijacked. I was the proud matriarch of my family taking care of everyone. Then I became the pitiful, delusional old woman. So weird. Jeremy does something Wrong that cuts wide and deep and my household rallies around him, defending him, like, What the hell did I dare expect in my old age? The age difference did become more important over the years so I would ask him over and over Is this still what you want? Tell him, Maybe you should go, find someone you're own age and start a family? and the answer was always No, I love You.
(Maybe the real answer was No, I don't have to work or anything here! Just keep taking care of me.)
But he hurts me and I tell him to leave and they say, What the hell? He can't take care of himself! We Love him!
Funny thing there, every one of them has complained about him being with us almost daily since he got here 20 years ago. My granddaughter, Jessalynn, told me Every Day for years that I would get rid of him if I cared about my family. She is one of his biggest defenders now! But I couldn't make him leave. I had vowed to take care of him. Even thought it was my God Given Duty. I defended him, apologized for him, was always trying to make peace for him. I felt Sorry For Him. And loved him even when I couldn't Like him.
Many nights, at my wits end, I would pray, Dear God! If this is a test I AM FAILING! and I feared that failure. What if failing condemned me to hell?? Give me strength, Give me wisdom, please help me help him!
Then this. I have a few family that are "on my side", who defend me and hurt for me. Jami, Jeanette, her daughter Jenise and her husband Phillip. It means everything to me but I am still stunned that they are all I have.
When we got our settlement money I asked him again, Do you want to go start a new life? We can split this money and go out separate ways. He emphatically said No. The house we bought was accidentally put in only my name. I paid another $500 to fix the title with Both our names.
I can't have sexual relations with himeven if i wanted to and that is long gone. I told him that if he needed sex he could find a prostitute or sex partner but that he has to leave if he wanted a different "girl friend", (and a 66 year old woman can still have sex but he was extremely rough, hurt me all the time), so this had to end with him but also, I told him At The Time, 10 years ago! that no one would/ could ever ask me "How do u crawl in bed with a man Abusing your family?"
Then he gets a girlfriend. Everyone in my house knows because he is so into her that he is constantly texting her and taking and sending selfies. Even sitting right next to me. I'm not noticing because I am trusting that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me swearing that he loved me. But Jess and the 2 grandchildren who live with me are fully aware. When they finally tell me they Say they are"disgusted" until I tell them that this is a Deal Breaker. I want him to leave. Then somehow I became the Bad Guy. The pitiful one. Poor mistreated Jeremy. Stupid old woman! thinking he loves her! They don't know and don't care that he's steadfast been telling me that he Loves me!!
When he wouldn't leave I realized that I could leave!! He had the only legal, running car and our $10,000 savings. I left in the car. Told him that he could keep the money, the house, the van (that could be fixed for a few hundred dollars and the other older car that I can't drive, and the family in the house who wanted him.) I was whooping with glee as I drove away!! FREE!! But the next day I picked up one of the kids and gave her a ride to the house and when I pulled up Jeremy yanked the passenger door open and grabbed the keys. I begged him not to leave me stranded there. All my medicine was at Jeanette's. Brandon was there who Jeremy wanted to look like the Good Guy in front of so he agreed to let me use the car to go get my medicine. I did and when I got back he was outside waiting. (WHY IS THE HELL DID I KEEP MY WORD AND GO BACK??) I tried to walk in the house and he yelled I want the keys so I turned and threw them to him and went in the house full of people who I didn't want who didn't want me and shut myself in my room. Brandon came to me and, speaking to me like I was a senile, vindictive person said "OK, Grandma, you SAY you want him to leave so tell me where you hid the keys" I was unbelievably offended but I went outside and reenact the throw. They looked and the keys were there. They had slid under the van but it was obvious that I had thrown them exactly like I said I did. No apology from Brandon or Jeremy. I went back to my room that I had hoped to never be in again. With the hateful family I never wanted to be with again. And BTW, Jeremy had another set of keys in his pocket that he could have used.
Oh, the update gets even better! It was Thanksgiving and Jessalynn and Brandon came for dinner. I had thought long and hard about how to let Brandon know that he had really hurt my feelings. I know I didn't believe that he could have understood how badly that hurt me, that he would have taken the time for a kind word before he left that night if he knew. It felt wrong right off the bat. I thought he looked defiant but didn't see how that could possibly be accurate. I'd bet didn't know he had hurt me so why would he be looking ready to defend himself? I found out why. I said "Brandon, I'm not senile and, I know you don't really know me, but I don't play games. That last night when you accused me of hiding the keys I went outside and showed that I had done exactly what I said I did with his keys" and he said, "Well, how were we supposed to know that they slid under the van?" I said Yes, but they did and them being there proved that I want lying, didn't it? Then he really flared, said that he had nothing to apologize for and started retelling how that whole night went down. How he was asleep when it started, even mentioned what he had been dreaming about (?) and that he did nothing wrong and I would never get an apology. I said I wasn't really expecting an apology, you might expect an apology for something intentionally done to you, but I had thought that he just had no clue that he hurt me. Wrong. The HATE in his face was so clear that I was stunned that I hadn't expected it at all. It went on to him telling me that all I do is manipulate everyone around me, especially Poor Jeremy. I asked "Ate you calling me a manipulative bitch??" and he replied, "I didn't 'say' the word 'bitch', did I?"
I finally saw the punk ass he is. The smugness. How two- faced he has been. I almost pitied Jessalynn except for a suspicion that they deserve each other.
Jeremy was there by then, looking helpless but thrilled that Brandon was still defending him not even realizing that Brandon was putting him down, too, labeling him the poor, manipulated puppet too stupid to See Through me. The man I have literally Done Everything for no matter what despicable thing he did to me or mine. I have no clue how that was supposed to be me manipulating Jeremy!! If I could have manipulated Jeremy I would have made him get a job or at least pick up after himself. OR JUST LEAVE!!
I left after that. Jami had pulled up, damn it was wonderful to see someone not glaring at me!
I had already made plans to not spend Thanksgiving here with this part of the "family" so I grabbed the bag I had packed and took Jami to Jeanette's. Jeremy texted later that Jessalynn and Brandon were going back to Lincoln. I was sitting outside in the car at Jeanette's crying, having my own little pity party, no, actually grieving for losing things that I never had. I never wanted to go "home" but.... then defiance hit. I WANTED to go to where I want wanted. Where I pay all the bills.
Everyone, including me, has been upset that Jami got their shared dog when Mike Watson went to jail. I'm terrified of big dogs, Jess is terrified of them for Nova, and everyone else here is just hateful so I told Jami that she And her dog were welcome to go home with me. We came here and set up a kennel for Adamay and spent the night here, damn all of them. (We had to kennel Adamay because Jeremy's cat attacks dogs).
I sat outside in the cold that night thinking that it was more comfortable than being in the house but it was below freezing and freezing wasn't feeling like a comfortable way to die.
You wanna see a manipulative bitch? How about a vindictive manipulative bitch???
No. I'm going to LIVE.
Oh and FUCK YOU BRANDON.
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