Sadness

 I'm hurting. It feels like I have waited forever for Jeremy to be happy. I've known he probably should leave me to be happy for a long time. I've told him many many times that he should go find a different life for himself since ha has been so miserable with us. And now he is leaving and leaving so slowly after stripping me off my dignity, humiliating me, and he is pulling this bandaid off so very slowly.  He hasbeen a part of our lives for over 2 decades. I'm going to miss him and be glad he's gone. He's between miserable too live with. Always angry, mean, keeping me always vigilant to the sound of him kissing his temper with the kids or Jess or anyone around us. It has been awful.  I will miss the little times when he could be sweet but I can't and shouldn't only remember those rare times like people do when someone dies.  It really hurts to think of good times because they were so very rare.  I haven't seen him happy in years. Watching him gleefully texting with his girlfriend hit hard. 

He really is so ignorant and helpless.  Maybe taking care of him all these years made hem weaker?? He's lazy. Doesn't do anything he doesn't have to.  So he's never learned to take care of himself.  He really does NOTHING day after day. On his phone or playing video games all day and night.  Walks Nova once a day. Sometimes takes the trash out on Fridays. Drives Jazz to school. Yells and curses about everything and everyone. 

Why are we going to miss him?? For years I have taken constant complaints from everyone about him and everyone is heartbroken that he is leaving, even me. If there was a way he could stay I would let him but there just isn't. Not worth the way this has gone. Not with the way he treated or relationship.  Honesty would have helped, would have made a world of difference. 

A FEW MONTHS LATER FOOTNOTE:

I haven't missed him for a single minute. I had a couple of almost minutes but always realized that I was just missing the guy I met who hasn't been around for years. I stopped having nightmares where he is yelling at me,  not a single one since he left, and they were at least weekly the year before.  If he is in a dream or nightmare at all he is there as a bystander and MUTE. It's beautiful.  A at least this controlling bitch can control her nightmares 🤣😂🤣.