Jeremy tried for years to find someone to bitch about me to. He was shot down by Jami, Kirk, Jess, Dave and Jeabette, who spit in his face. Especially when he tried to talk about our sex life, none of them wanted to hear about their mother, grandmother, or mother-in-law's sex life or lack thereof until he found Jessalynn and Brandon to listen and sympathize. The flip side of this is that I also went from having sex all the time to zero. I would have loved to find a good boyfriend, husband etc but he wouldn't physically leave and free me and, bitch that I am, I'm not like that. And we are talking 10 years ago. I had Lots of offers. 2 men who had been after me for all my life who were then millionaires. Not that I ever considered money when choosing a partner, example 2 past husbands and Jeremy (legally my husband in Texas). Those 2 suitors died last year, and I'm dying now so it's really not fair to start with anyone. But it would have been really nice to have a good man to grow old with. Jeremy inadvertently stole that from me, too. I let him steal it by not having whatever it took to force him to leave.
Wait, I gotta add somewhere, yes, I always said Jeremy was excusable because of his disabilities, but I realized that is total bullshit. We'll, mostly bullshit. I finally realized that he definitely was capable of controlling his worst issues. Brandon made that plain as day - if Jeremy could always "behave " when Brandon was around, sometimes for Long Days! and Jeremy never lost it. The house breathed sigh of relief when Brandon was coming because we all knew we would get a break from the Anger, yelling, and just plain meanness. How did someone unable to control himself do that?? And with the kids, and yes, there were a lot of them, and they could be a handful! but he NEVER has lost his temper with his favorite, Jasmine. He could be mad as hell about something a child did, cussing and making threats, and if he found out the culprit was Jasmine he cooled down immediately. How was he able to do that?? It's like him saying he couldn't read studying for his CNA so I read his text book to him for weeks, until I had laryngitis and couldn't, and he said, "OK, give me the book, I'll read it". Playing me. Like he played everyone. He supposedly hated being reminded that he was disabled but he sure did use it to his advantage whenever and however he could. But it took until Brandon, that huge, stark, difference in him, THAT finally made it clear as day. His survival technique is his pity parties and he gets away with it mostly by his act that he doesn't want anyone to know about his epilepsy etc., so everyone pitied him all the more until he HAS SOMEONE SUPPORTING HIM FOR 22 YEARS. I was a moron to not get it sooner but not as big of a Moron as the ones still dancing at his pity party. And I do even now still love Jeremy. Even have some admration for the brilliance of his game and gratitude, peace, that I know he will be OK.
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