Another day...!!??

 I guess I'll will be surprised every day from here on out that I'm Still Here. (Sorry haters!!)  It made me think of waking at Barefoot's with Jeremy.  How I would pop up ready to get busy on whatever project I was in the middle of and Jeremy would groan that I couldn't just ever want to smoke a doobie and CHILL with him but he always wanted to be doing what I was doing so he got Up, too.  IT WAS THE BEST LIFE. Hardly seems possible if I just look at our circumstances from them.  Mom has just died.  Barefoot was in prison. I had No Family at all and Jeremy pretty much didn't either.  It was like we lived in our own little island. No money,  no car,  just living by our wits day by day. In a teepee!! I wonder now if it was ever possible for us to stay in that bubble?? If Jami hadn't called in labor with Michelle, if I hadn't returned here to be "Mom and Grandma", how long could that life have lasted??  Would we still be happily there together?? My family here would have survived without me the same as if I had died in Texas, maybe even survived Better. I used to say that I "won" the divorce with Steve because he was missing out on having the children and grandchildren. Yep. All the Joy and all the Pain and Misery of them all.  I'm a lot less smug about that Win now!! He took his new life and ran with it.  I started a new life,  then I threw it away for this reward.  I could have experienced the Pride and Joy long distance like Steven has and maybe missed all of the direct kicks in the teeth like he has. Familiarity breeds contempt. ? . 

I'm sorry,  Jeremy. I've always said that you should have stayed in Texas like I begged you to at the time.  The truth was that we should have Both stayed. None of this was your fault.